修潤英文
不久前，有個國際譯者協會會長寫一諫書呼籲國際社會介入促使金正恩釋放「犯錯」的口譯員，我說這英文寫作需要修潤，對一個專業譯者組織而言，顯得有些諷刺。經查，這位會長Aurora Humarán應是西班牙文母語，英文是外語，更應找英文母語的專業編輯或譯者幫忙潤稿，免得丟面子。以下建議的修改，以「最少的、必要的修改」爲標準，使之夠合乎英文用法，夠體面，可以刊登、出版。
[1] if true inexcusable 這插入成分寫得很笨拙，必須改。要表達的意思是：if the allegations are true, they are inexcusable。目前這樣寫，即使勉強不算真的錯誤，也造成讀者的剖析困難，例如，兩位網友就提出，是不是想表達 if truly inexcusable？不是的，如果是，語意邏輯就完全錯了。顯然，true inexcusable 擺在一起，容易造成誤解，無助於讀者將之斷開為 if true | inexcusable，改的方法很簡單，又以(a)較簡潔：
a. the allegations, inexcusable if true, that...
b. the allegations — if true, inexcusable — that...
[2] charged 前面最好加一個逗點，否則這麼長的一句，在這裡容易被誤讀成是「political prison camp」遭到指控。
[3] hurt 前面不可以有逗點，這是文法錯誤：英文的主詞和動詞之間不得加逗點。
原英文信如下（標示了應修改處。來源見留言）：
INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL TRANSLATORS AND INTERPRETERS
The International Association of Professional Translators and Interpreters (IAPTI) is deeply concerned over the allegations【, if true inexcusable,】[1] that Interpreter Shin Hye-yong, who interpreted for the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea Leader Kim Jung Un at the Hanoi summit with U.S. President Donald Trump, was detained at a political prison camp【】[2] charged with undermining the Leader’s authority by, in the judgment of undisclosed sources, making a “critical interpreting mistake” when President Trump walked away from the negotiations.
As an international association devoted to the advancement of the profession and its practitioners, we are troubled by the process, charges, and detention of Ms. Shin, and invite the authorities to reconsider these actions.
Diplomatic interpreting is an invaluable tool governments use to avoid conflicts and settle differences. Actions like the ones reported by the international media in this case【,】[3] hurt peaceful dialogue, and have a chilling effect on the interpreter and diplomatic community worldwide.
Aurora Humarán
President
On behalf of IAPTI's Board
May 31, 2019
profession用法 在 [文法] professional in or at - 看板Eng-Class - 批踢踢實業坊 的八卦
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professional 後面該用 in or at?
好像都有人用...
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