ego自我的八卦，PINTEREST和Yahoo名人娛樂都在討論

This MV brings me through a psychedelic journey of self-realization
Where I tear down my walls and strip myself bare in discovery of who I really am
Traversing the depths of consciousness
I’m gripped by inexplicability
As I examine the blurred lines of dream VS reality, alternating different universes, what versions of me await?
While I Can, I hold tight to what I love
While I Can, I relinquish all I have to the universe
Shredding away my ego, burdens and excess baggage, I come to nought
Yet, no longer enslaved, I am reborn.
Thanks for this beautiful track @joshcumbeemusic @fernandogaribay @dnnyd @miro.official @richardfurchmix and @chenrychen for this video.

透過〈While I Can〉MV進入我的潛意識旅程，
層層地剝開自我，不斷追尋著心中最純粹的自己。
通往意識狀態的入口，是突如其來、超越理解的瞬間。
當踏出現實進入不同的意識階段，又將會遇見怎樣的自己，
那是一望無際，亦或是夢中仙境。
每一次與內心的自我接觸，都將轉換時空，脫離意識，
所能之際擁抱，所能之際奉獻擁有的一切與這宇宙交換，
於是內心自我不斷消散、釋懷而放手的重生。

#JJWhileICan #JJ林俊傑倖存者⠀#JJ林俊傑倖存者如你 #JJ新歌首唱LIVE
#JJDrifter⠀#JJDrifterLikeYouDo⠀#JJXIV #JJDoubleEP
https://youtu.be/d1kx1AB7rDg

说一说…..父母

前一阵子，参加了一个心灵课程。
一位三十岁左右的男人出来做分享。
他在新加坡工作，去年得知妈妈的癌症复发，而且还开始扩散，心里很难过，也很纠结。
他问了一个长辈朋友他该选择留在新加坡继续打拼事业还是辞职回去陪伴妈妈？
那位长辈朋友跟他说了自己亲生的经历。
长辈朋友说他年轻的时候，母亲患癌症，他带着母亲到处寻医，希望可以把母亲治好。
最后有位医生跟他说，他的母亲只剩一个月的命。
他致电给远在国外念医学系的弟弟，告诉他这个消息。
他的弟弟几年前获得了某间著名大学的医科奖学金，一个人到国外升学。
他还剩四个月就毕业，正式成为一个专业医生。
他跟教授申请一个月的假期，希望自己可以陪母亲走完她最后的人生。
结果教授不领情，说如果他这时候停学，就没办法毕业。
后来，他跟教授说，他很谢谢教授这几年对他的照顾和教导，但母亲只有一个，于是他选择了停学，回到家乡照顾妈妈。
长辈朋友说，他的弟弟归来后，每天无微不至照顾卧床的母亲，喂食，洗澡，清洗排泄物….。
而母亲在孩子细心的照顾和陪伴下多活了三个月才离开人间。

听完长辈朋友的故事，他决定辞职，回到他成长的土地，回到那个赐予他生命的母亲身边。
他的妈妈因为不想再承受多年前做化疗的幸苦，于是选择自然疗法。
他陪着妈妈一起学习气功，一起练习。
当妈妈学习遇到障碍时，他耐心教导妈妈，陪伴她一次又一次的练习。
这一次她带着妈妈，甚至爸爸一起来上课，三人之间的交流一天比一天温暖，一天比一天更往内心深处流动。
你可以看见这个三十的大男孩，边哽咽边诚恳地分享他内心的感受时，脸上闪耀着光芒，他的孝心滋养着他的生命，富足了他的灵魂，也感动了所有聆听的每一颗心。
你可以看见他患癌的妈妈因为他的爱而流露出幸福的笑容。
你可以看见他踏出的每一步是如何地一点一点软化了平时大男人的爸爸，让老夫老妻的爸妈重新感受相爱的甜蜜。
这段分享一直在我心中流淌，像安静清澈的河流，流过之处都获得了一份滋润。

今年农历过年前，九十几岁的外公中风跌倒，摔断了腿，也检查出食道收窄而必须插鼻胃管进食。
外公一向喜欢独居，就算孩子怎么相劝，他还是不愿意搬去跟任何一个孩子居住。
于是妈妈在家里附近准备了一个房子给外公住，方便照顾他老人家。
这个区可热闹了，小弟，大舅，表妹，两个表弟都住在附近，而二弟和二弟媳就住在正对面，很多照应。
外公出院后，爸妈，三个阿姨和舅舅们每天轮班，24小时在身边照顾卧床的外公。
有个专业护士来给外公做护理和检查时，跟他们说以她的经验观察，外公可能没办法坚持到过完年。
妈妈致电给我，让我有点心理准备。

农历年回家乡时，本来妈妈阿姨们已经订好餐厅一共六桌酒席给外公和我一起庆祝生日，因为我们两人是同一天生日，而且经常很靠近或在过年期间，已经有好几年，我都和阿公一起接受大家的生日祝福，一起许愿，一起吹蜡烛，切蛋糕。而这一次，阿公不止不能庆祝生日，而且长辈们也交代我们不要提这件事，因为在马来西亚华人的传统习俗里，老人家病重忌过生日。

于是所有的孩子，孙子和曾孙子每天都到外公家拜年，聚餐，非常热闹。
外公虽然行动不便，但躺在床上静静的聆听子孙们欢乐的声音，让他觉得很开心，嘴角不自觉微微上扬，好像这些陪伴就是他最好的良药。
他不停吩咐阿姨一定要记得帮他准备好红包，他要亲自给我们每人一个红包。
“爸，新年快乐，身体健康…阿公，恭喜发财，身体健康….阿祖，恭喜发财…。“我们七十几个人沿着客厅到厨房排成长长的队伍，一个一个握着阿公的手，从他手上接过那封非常珍贵的红包。
过完年，回到家，每天和妈妈通电话跟进外公的情况。
一天一天细心的照顾下和子孙每天的陪伴下，外公不止渡过了整个农历年，还自行拔掉鼻胃管（因为太不舒服），然后神奇的开始可以自己进食。
前几天，弟媳传来一条短片，一打开，看见外公竟然可以站起来慢慢的步行了。

这一次新冠肺炎疫情在全球大爆发，欧洲许多独居和疗养院的老人，在未接受正式治疗下，在家或疗养院孤独离世。
而小黄花慈善教育基金会也在行动管制令期间为一些贫穷的独居老人提供免费粮食。

以前和阿姨们一起探访过一间老人院，院长说他看到越来越多的老人院开设，心里觉得很悲哀。
我们现代人引以为傲，这越来越先进，越来越文明，科技越来越发达，物品越来越精致，教育程度越来越高的都市里，为什么就容纳不下这些前半辈子都在为社会为家庭付出的生命呢？
他们曾经也是年轻气盛，朝气蓬勃的劳动者，为什么在他们最需要被关怀，被爱护，被疼爱的最后的岁月里却被遗忘甚至遗弃？

越来越多的优越感并没能让我们感受越来越多的快乐，越来越争取的私人空间让人们的距离越拉越远……。
远到我们都看不见一些真正重要和值得珍惜的人和事。

这些老人们的家人呢？
也许背后有很多很多的故事，但这些故事是不是也许可以因为少一点的自我，多一点的同理心而被改写呢？

宇宙创造生命，而父母就是带这些生命来到这个世界的桥梁。
为什么我们可以把最好的给孩子，却不能把最好的给父母？

好友奶茶一个人照顾奶奶，爸爸和妈妈三个老人家，经常就是走路去看他们，陪他们，给他们煮好吃的，大小事都替他们打点。
每次看到她分享和奶奶，爸妈的合照，影片和文字时，心里都特别感动。
她堂堂一个影后，视后，歌后，平日的生活里，就是一个尽心尽力在照顾上面三个老人和下面一个孩子的平凡妈妈，女儿和孙女。

去年，我和一个好友探访一家慈善收留所，里头住了六十几位失智老人，他们都是因为各种各样的原因而被收留，有一些偶尔有家人来探望，有一些甚至无人问津。
看着那些老人枯萎的身躯躺在床上，空洞地望向远方，任由孤寂一寸一寸地侵蚀他的灵魂，生命就在这暗淡的小屋里渐渐地走向死亡，心里很是难过。

让我们闭上眼，回想小时候，父母辛苦照顾我们的身影，安静下来，感受一下现在的父母，我们是不是还可以聆听到他们的声音，感受彼此连接的温暖？

Let’s talk about….. Parents

Just recently, I participated in a spiritual class. There was a man, in his thirties who did a sharing session. He works in Singapore and last year, he learned that his mother’s cancer had recurred and it had begun to spread. He felt a wave of sad and complicated emotions overcome him.

He asked an elderly friend for advice, if he should choose to stay in Singapore to pursue his career or resign to accompany his mother?

This elderly friend of his then shared his own experience with him. When he was young, his own mother had cancer and he brought his mother around to seek for medical treatment, hoping to be able to cure her. Alas, one doctor gave him one news he would not want to hear, mentioning that his mother only had a month left to live.

He has a brother who had received a medical scholarship to study in a prestigious University a few years back and was all alone studying abroad. He gave his brother a call and delivered the unfortunate news. He was only four months away from graduation before he could be formally known as a professional doctor.

He applied for a month leave from his professor, hoping to accompany his mother through her final days. However, his application was rejected with the reason given that if he was to stop his courses, he would not be able to graduate.

He then thanked his professor for his care, guidance and advices throughout the many years but he chose and decided to take his leave and return to his homeland to care for his mother as there is only one mother in the world to him.

When his brother returned, with the special, attentive care and companionship given to his bed-ridden mother; feeding, bathing her, cleaning up her excrement, she managed to live through for another three months.

After listening to his friend’s story, he made a firm decision to resign from his job, returned to the place he grew up, returned to be with the woman who gave him life. His mother did not want to go through the sufferings of chemotherapy and chose holistic treatment instead.
He accompanied his mother to learn Qigong and practiced it together with her. He would be next to her, teaching her patiently whenever she encountered obstacles in her learnings and practice with her continuously.

This time around, he brought his mother and father for class. As days passed by, it can be seen that the interaction among them 3 was all about warmth, delving deeper into their inner world.
One could see a 30 years old man, choking as he shared his deepest feelings but yet his face shining radiantly as his filial attitude nourishes his life, enriching his soul, touching everyone’s heart.

You could see his mother who has cancer beaming broadly because of his love.
You could see how each step he took soften his father’s pride and ego, allowing the aged couple to mesmerize the sweetness of love again.

This sharing has nourished my inner soul, flowing through my system, like a quiet, clear river.

This year, just before the Lunar New Year, my 90 years old grandfather had a stroke and broke his leg. It was also found that his oesophagus was narrowed and a nasogastric feeding tube had to be inserted.

Grandpa has always enjoyed living alone. Nobody could convince him to stay with any of his children. So mum moved him to a house which she got nearby so that he can be taken care of easily. The location of the house is very strategic and lively as my younger brother, uncle and cousin sisters and brothers live in that area. The best part, my second brother and sister-in-law live just across the street.


When Grandpa was discharged from the hospital, my parents, three aunts and uncles took turns, rotating shifts to take care of my bed-ridden grandfather 24 hours a day.
There was a professional nurse who would come over to care, made necessary treatments and check up on Grandpa. She told my parents and relatives that from her experiences as a nurse, granddad would not survive till the Chinese New Year. My mum called me up to deliver this piece of news and told me to prepare for the worst.

We went back to our hometown for the Chinese New Year celebration and initially, my mum and aunts have made a restaurant reservation of 6 tables to have a feast for my grandfather and I as we share the same birth date and it was very close to Chinese New Year. We have had such celebrations for many years however, due to Grandpa’s condition, we were not able to celebrate together this year. We were all reminded numerous times that we are not to even talk about it by our elders because according to Malaysia’s Chinese Custom, it is best to forgo celebrating birthdays when our older relatives are gravely ill.

Therefore, all of us, the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren went to Grandpa’s house every day to gather and have meals during the Chinese New Year celebration. It was bustling with noise and excitement. Although Grandpa was bed-ridden, listening to the gleeful voices from his grand and great-grandchildren has made him feeling happy. It was as though these companionships were the best medicine where one could see the corner of his mouth rising up faintly.

He kept reminding my aunt to prepare the Red Packets (Ang Pows) for him and that he would hand it out to us each, himself.

“Dad, Happy New Year. May you be blessed with good health”.. “Grandpa, Gong Xi Fai Cai, to good health”.. “Azu, Happy Chinese New Year..” There were about 70 of us, we could see an extremely long line forming from the living room up to the kitchen! We would hold Grandpa’s hand tenderly as we take the precious Red Packets from him.

After the Chinese New Year holidays, we all returned to our own home and I called up my mother every day to check up on Grandpa’s condition. With the sincere care and accompaniment of his children and grandchildren, not only did Grandpa spent the entire Lunar New Year with us but pull out the nasogastric tube all by himself (as it was making him feeling uncomfortable) and surprised us all as he began to eat by himself!
A few days ago, my sister-in-law sent us a short video. When I played the video, Grandpa could stand and began to walk slowly!

This time around, there is an outbreak of a new pneumonia (COVID-19) pandemic. There are many elderly people living alone or nursing homes in Europe. Due to them not being able to receive the proper treatment at the right time, many of them passed away feeling lonely.

Little Yellow Flower Education Foundation did a part by supplying free food baskets for some of the poor elderly folks who lives alone during the Malaysia Movement Control Order.

I visited a nursing home with my aunt once and the administrator told us that there were more nursing homes mushrooming and it was so disheartening for him.

It is something that is not understandable as in this modern metropolis world, where we can be proud of our achievements, where the world is more advanced, civilized, technologies are more developed, goods are more refined, education levels are standing tall, why is it that we are not able to accommodate and tolerate these elderly people who have once devoted their early days to the society and sacrificed for their family?
They were also once young and energetic laborers. Why are they now forgotten and abandoned during their last years when they are the ones who needs to be cared for, and loved most?

Feeling more superiority does not bring us more happiness. The more private space we strive for, will only distance ourselves from others…..
So far… that we could not even see and remember the people or things are really matters and are worth treasuring.

Where are the family members of these aged people?
There may be many stories to it but can it be rewritten if there were less pride and a little more empathy?

The Universe creates Life and parents are the bridges that brings life into this world. Why is it that we can provide the best for our children but not for our parents?

My friend, Rene has to take care of her grandmother, her father and mother; three golden gems. She will always walk over to their house to see them, accompany them, cook delicious meals for them and take care of their daily lives. Each time I see the pictures, videos and texts she share about her grandmother and parents, I am deeply moved.

Even as an International acclaimed actress and singer, she would still try her very best to take care of the three old family members and 1 young child as any normal mother, daughter and grand-daughter will do in her everyday life.

Last year, I visited a nursing home with a friend where there were more than 60 seniors who had dementia.
They are given shelter for various reasons. There are some seniors being visited by family members occasionally whereas there are some who are being totally neglected and abandoned. Seeing some of them, fragile looking, gazing blankly into the wall, allowing loneliness to seep into their souls by the inches, waiting for death to visit them while lying on their bed in this empty, dark shed, left me feeling extremely sad.

Let us all close our eyes, recollect our childhood’s memories, picturing the silhouettes of our parents who were taking care of us. Quiet down, feel the presence of our parents now. Can we still hear their voices, sense the connection and the warmth among us?

#说一说
#父母之恩
#letstalkabout
#loveforparents

染色體基因檢查後，我知道自己懷了女兒，秦先生非常高興，他總說在他腦海裏最幸福的畫面，是愛他的兩個女人在片場等他，收工後他一左一右的牽手回家。秦先生是個有個性的獨子，他說希望這個女兒可以柔和他的人生。

孕期穩定後，秦先生也忙碌了起來，在終於感覺到胎動的那個夜晚，我跟他說，等你回來摸肚子喔。讓他經歷胎動的感受是我的願望，能真的實現，除了感激還是感激。

更讓我感恩的是，在擁有寶寶後接到無數的祝福，也讓我相信她是一個帶著愛的能量而來的孩子，才能在腹中就傳遞希望給世界。

14年前懷小王子時，我總是在笑，天天都是滿溢的幸福感。我能感覺小王子和我深深的鏈結，我常讀書誦經給他聽，感覺我們是緊緊相連的一體，我知道小王子是來報恩的，他會照顧媽媽。

這次懷孕也一樣，總想和寶寶說話，但常常被許多事帶走，終於有一晚，我靜下心來，卻只感到一片滯礙，心輪像堵住了一片灰濛。

我找不到和寶寶的鏈結。

我知道她在我身體裏，卻無法進入我們深層的能量場裏。

不是說什麼我愛你，你要乖、要健康，而是和小王子一樣，我想對她描述世界，描述父母的過往，但心裏卻異常空蕩，所有的語言都沒有去向。

一如過往，每次困惑，我就走到壇呈前敬香祈求上天指引，我問為什麼這麼奇異的恩典，我卻找不到她，我想和她說話，卻沒有懷兒子時一樣的美好感應，但我愛她啊！

然後內在忽然升起一種非常深層的悲傷，在靜默中我聽到腦子裏有無數人的聲音，喧嘩煽動，時間退到我懷小王子的初期。

那時總有聲音說，必須生男孩，男孩才好！妳的肚皮可要爭氣！世代單傳的家庭女人必須生男孩才有地位，才會被尊重，要不然你什麼也不是。也總聽到朋友之間，某某某生了女的還是要被逼著再追男的，只有男孩才能繼承姓氏與家業。

那時為了生男孩我天天喝不敢喝的鹿茸湯、把脈針灸吃中藥、到廟裡求註生娘娘讓我懷兒子。在那個年代，沒有人告訴我們生男生女是由男性的基因決定，我和我母親一樣，認為生不出男孩是我的責任，即使知道懷了小王子，不到極度肯定時誰也不敢說性別，最可悲的是我同樣來自重男輕女的家庭，卻完全沒有意識到自己也陷入一樣的境地，而且是我自己綁架了自己。

一直以為自己內在的一切都已經療癒，一直以為人生再無可修行。

我跟上天說請你給我勇氣，我願意往更深層的內在走去。

我看見幼年的自己，第一次初潮來時沒人教，夜裡看見被褥上的血痕，我以為自己生病要死了。

是學校的輔導老師告訴我，這叫月事，是女人病。

明明是為孕育生命的自然儲備，為什麼卻被稱為病？我是有病的，我以為，女孩是有病的。

從童年聽見母親說爸爸是軍人，不孝有三無後為大。我一直覺得自己是錯誤。前半生的療癒都在原生家庭，而後到自己懷孕，更應該跳脫這種家庭業力輪迴，我卻只想要男孩。

一瞬間我知道我從來沒有打從心底認可自己的性別，如果我以自己為榮，我不需要一次次的說自己是家裡的幼女卻也是長子，好像長子才有底氣。我也不需要說自己是女漢子，好像有漢子這樣的標籤，我就更有立足點，如果我真的覺得女兒和兒子一樣好，我不會為第一胎就是生兒子感到自得驕傲，為了證明自己比兒子強，我拼了整個青春期，但當我遇到了同樣的外在聲音時，我卻依然如我母親，卑微恐懼。

在這個不斷被灌輸男孩才是香火傳承的文化與社會裏，我愛自己卻又排斥自己，聽見母親說生下我是女兒，父親才會離去，我像被印上拆散父母的印記，在青春期一直如獸般的啃噬自己。聽見有人說生女兒就是操心遭罪，我的腦子裡被種下疑慮的種子悄悄地隱藏在無意識裡。

那些未清理的碎片殘餘，卻在懷有女兒時一點點浮起。

夜已經非常深，我在懷孕後第一次因悲傷落淚。我對上天說，我害怕女兒像我青春期的敏感陰暗，我害怕她像我與母親一樣疏離。我害怕她會像我的執拗，需要在這看似文明卻依然倒退的社會裏，拼命證明自己是女兒身男人心，我害怕她像我莫名背的上傳承的壓力。

屋裏安安靜靜，屋外在落雨，我聽見自己哭泣的聲音。

然後那個聲音升起，從沒有遺棄過我，那個大能的聲音說，能勇敢承認自己害怕，不是很好嗎？這世界上的每個孩子，都能帶領父母更接近自己，有時是以正面的方式，有時是負面的考驗，但無論正負面，都是父母追溯自己生命，反思的時刻。

再愛父母的孩子，都有可能以自己過往的經驗、認知去影響孩子，你所知的，也有可能是她所知的，只有懂得害怕謙卑於生命之前的父母，才能孕育出強大的孩子。

就是妳的那句話啊，勇敢不是不怕，而是怕還要前行。

不知道時間過去多久，不是感覺自己對女兒深深的愛，而是女兒對我的愛以非常非常溫柔的能量包圍了我，而我則哭的像個孩子，感覺那分愛那麼深沉，她花了好多好多時間才教會了我臣服恐懼。在近天明時，我深深地給壇呈上的眾神磕頭，然後跟寶貝說，謝謝妳。

雖然我曾問秦先生，生了女兒，她嫁人後生的孩子就不是姓秦，你能接受嗎？太想要女兒的他，彷彿從沒想過這麼實際的問題，然後他非常放鬆的說，血脈比姓氏珍貴，這世界上多的是姓秦的，但孩子身上遺傳著我們的基因，這是任何姓氏都無法代替的。

秦先生讓我知道，孩子的性別優缺觀念是來自父權文化，但血緣的聯繫卻是生命本質。

如果說小王子是太陽，我懷他後沒有一天不在微笑，沒有一天不感覺愛的滿溢，那麼女兒就是月亮，清冷溫柔的讓我走進女性的自己，擁抱自己一直深藏的意識，我曾說小王子帶我走了一遍失去的青春期，而女兒雖然還在肚子裡，卻已帶我穿越自己最終的陰暗，不再向外投射，與父母、愛情、物質都無關，那是我的自我（ego)與頭腦(Mind)所創造的無明，我終於從責難這世界給予我的不公，走向內觀自己給予自己的恐懼。

我們都該對自己負責，這世界也許創造情景，但我們都有責任與能力跳脫重複的桎梏。

這兩個孩子，一個照亮了我的光明白晝，一個讓我勇敢擁抱自己的黑夜，小王子的存在充滿療癒的溫暖，小女兒的來到則清醒而安寧。

今天是母親節，我一直想以最大的誠實寫下這段剖開自己的文字，身為公眾人物，我知道誠實會帶來的誤讀，但我依然必須坦誠，那也許正是生命給我最好的禮物。

而愛我的你們，我知道我們都在努力成為最好的父母，也以我們的所知的最大程度在寵愛孩子，但只有我們在生命之前低頭，才有可能跳出自己曾有的家庭模式，不再創造和自己一模一樣的孩子。

只有我們願意謙卑的與他們一起成長，勇敢重生自己，擁抱自己內心曾經缺愛的小孩，才有可能窺見上天賦予我們孕育生命的偉大。

母親節快樂，我的太陽與月光，我的陰與陽，我的黑暗與光明，我最美好的兩個孩子，媽媽愛你們。

[Click CC for English / Chinese subtitles]

JJ 林俊傑《倖存者 • 如你》雙EP
? https://jjlin.lnk.to/JJDrifterLikeYouDO

As I traverse this Wonderland
I wonder what the other side beholds?
Am I awake in my sleep
Or asleep in my consciousness?

If I’m gonna lose everything when I wake
I’d rather stay asleep and hold you while I can
And lock this moment in our tight embrace

Everything turned to nought when I awakened
Yet, this void catalysed a reset
As I slowly got buried in the quicksand
My expiration and regeneration had happened in parallel realms

穿越了這片Wonderland
那一端
是睜著眼沈睡
還是閉著眼清晰

假如 睜開眼就將失去
也要在所能之際 緊閉著眼 緊抱你 緊抱住這一刻擁有

這一刻 睜開眼 宛如煙消雲散
但歸零的同時 又出發了
當流沙不斷飛逝 都將注入另一部分的自己
逐漸消逝的同時 正在啟動重生的能量
＿

《While I Can》在【倖存者．如你】專輯中，是一座任意橋樑。
【倖存者 Drifter】EP中，完全體現出 JJ林俊傑 耕耘累積了17年的能量。然而，透過《While I Can》踏出華語音樂市場，以《Wonderland》的編曲為基底，延續音樂色調，但跨越多年來的舒適圈，與美國當地製作團隊合作，並填上浪漫但淒美的英文歌詞，打造成一首全新的歌。

《Wonderland》之於《While I Can》，就像雙EP的JJ一樣
當從Wonderland衝出窗外的那一端
是夢，是現實
JJ林俊傑 又將如何
故事才正要開始
＿

This MV brings me through a psychedelic journey of self-realization
Where I tear down my walls and strip myself bare in discovery of who I really am

Traversing the depths of consciousness
I’m gripped by inexplicability

As I examine the blurred lines of dream VS reality, alternating different universes, what versions of me await?

While I Can, I hold tight to what I love
While I Can, I relinquish all I have to the universe

Shredding away my ego, burdens and excess baggage, I come to nought
Yet, no longer enslaved, I am reborn.

透過 MV 進入 JJ 的潛意識旅程，
層層地剝開自我，不斷追尋著心中最純粹的自己。
通往意識狀態的入口，是突如其來、超越理解的瞬間。
當踏出現實進入不同的意識階段，又將會遇見怎樣的自己，
那是一望無際，亦或是夢中仙境。
每一次與內心的自我接觸，都將轉換時空，脫離意識，
所能之際擁抱，所能之際奉獻擁有的一切與這宇宙交換，
於是內心自我不斷消散、釋懷而放手的重生。

#JJXIV #JJWhileICan
#JJ林俊傑倖存者如你
#JJDrifterLikeYouDo
＿

Lyrics詞｜Josh Cumbee / 林俊傑 JJ Lin / Fernando Garibay
Composer曲｜Josh Cumbee / 林俊傑 JJ Lin / Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Daniel Padilla
Producer 製作人｜Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Daniel Padilla
Vocal Production配唱製作｜Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Danny Padilla
Music Arrangement & Keyboards編曲 & 鍵盤｜Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Danny Padilla / JJ 林俊傑 & The Swaggernautz
Instrument樂器｜Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Danny Padilla / 黃冠龍 ALEX.D
Recording Studios錄音室｜The Garibay Center
Recording Engineers錄音師｜Fernando Garibay / Ramiro Padilla / Danny Padilla
Mixing Studio混音室｜mixHaus Studios (Los Angeles)
Mixing Engineer混音師｜Richard Furch
Assistant Mixing Engineer混音助理 ｜Domenic Tenaglia
Mastering Producer後期母帶處理製作人｜JJ 林俊傑
Mastering Studio後期母帶處理錄音室｜ STERLING SOUND MASTERING , NY
Mastering Engineer後期母帶處理錄音師｜Chris Gehringer

Production Company製作公司｜LUCKYSPARKS
Director導演｜陳亨利 Henry Chen
Co-Director共同導演｜紀培慧 Teresa Daley
Assistant Director副導｜張省云 Sibyl Chang Shing Yu
Executive Producer監製｜高郁傑 Otis Kao
Production Manager製片經理｜黃盈慈 Kiki Huang
Producer製片｜Olan Huang
Line Producer執行製片｜郭立賢
Location Manager場地經理｜黃筱晴
Production Assistant製片助理｜蔡旻樺 Min Hua Tsai
Production Assistant場務｜任信成
Director of Photography攝影指導｜潘星佑 Hsin You Pan
Movi Operator Movi技師｜洪建凱 / 張育甄
攝影大助First Assistant Camera｜王士偉 Sway Wanze
Gaffer燈光師｜謝松銘 Sung-Ming Hsieh
Best Boy Electric燈光大助｜陳晉緯
Electrician 燈光助理｜王建銘 / 馬翊展 / 蘇志豪
Grip場務｜力榮影業有限公司
Art Director 美術指導｜Mingko Wang
Set Decorator 執行美術｜黃少築 / 陳韻如
Art PA美術場務｜阿英
Stylist for JJ Lin 林俊傑造型｜韓忠偉 Justin Han
Styling Assistant for JJ Lin 林俊傑造型助理｜俞舒泰 Tiger Yu
Makeup Artist for JJ Lin 林俊傑化妝｜高秀雯 Jasmine Kao @prettycool_makeup
Hair Stylist for JJ Lin 林俊傑髮型｜胡智豪 Peter Wu @peter_wu_coloriste_
Costume Designer劇組造型師｜羅宛怡 Lo Wanyi
Wardrobe Assistant劇組造型執行｜黃憶柔 Huang Yi Rou
Hair & Makeup劇組妝髮師｜曹崇英 Nikki Tsao / 顏琳軒 Linlin Yen
Casting Director演員管理｜李嘉峰
Cast演員｜Kimi
Stills Photographer劇照師｜李欣哲 Hsin Che Lee
Behind The Scenes花絮側拍師｜沐旅影像製作工作室mulustudio（動態）/陳小烈LieChen（平面）
Transportation九巴司機｜五福將工作室
Camera Equipment 攝影器材｜阿榮影業股份有限公司
Lighting Equipment燈光器材｜阿榮影業股份有限公司
Post Production後期團隊｜Finger & Toe
Post Production Producer後期製片｜吳珮瑜 Sunny Wu
Post Producer Assistant後期製片助理｜王芃勻 Daiso Wang
Editor剪接師｜陳亨利 Henry Chen
Colorist調光師｜馮鈞稜 Justin Feng / 良奇 (＠TimeLine Studio 時間軸)
VFX Supervisor特效總監｜林貫洋 Guan Lin
VFX Artist特效師｜林貫洋 Guan Lin
Compositing合成｜炎殺頑特效 DarkFlame Studio
Roto Artist｜吳齊農
Storyboard Artist腳本師｜孫靜誼 Joy Sun (@JoySunArt)
Production Support 製作協力｜JFJ PRODUCTIONS Corp. Ltd.
Artiste Management 藝人經紀｜徐佩雲 Yvonne See
Artiste Management Executive 執行經紀｜韋佩佩 Wee Peipei、孫凡崴 Gaspard Sun、李文元 Yuan Lee、陳明君 Kirsten Chen
Artiste Assistant 藝人助理｜彭靖深 JS Pang
Digital Marketing 數位行銷｜游巧媃 CJ Yu、張皓婷 Carol Chang

Published by 發行｜華納國際音樂股份有限公司 Warner Music Taiwan Ltd.
Publisher & Executive Director出品人及監製｜周純如 Ruby Chou
Chief Content Director 首席內容及創意總監｜梁兆林 Terry Leung
Product Planning Executive 產品企劃專員 ｜陳昭岑 Verna Chen
Assistant Director of Marketing Promotion 行銷副總監｜張雅婷 Georgina Chang
Manager of Marketing Promotion 行銷經理｜卓郁函 Yuhan Cho
Supervisor of Marketing Promotion  行銷主任｜劉慧君  Jean Liu
Executive of Marketing Promotion  行銷專員｜余岱凌  Dolly Yu
Digital Media Executive  社群媒體行銷專員｜張又琳 Catherine Chang
Account Servicing Manager  數位客戶服務經理｜曾柏翔 Austin Tseng

覺者的敵對者。
現身於深海電腦樂土SE.RA.PH的聖人。
將稀世罕見的救世主之資質佔為己用，變生為非人之身。
但她的祈願及渴求，最終卻支離破碎。
當時，殺生院本人雖已消失，但她彷彿在臨死之際改變了想法，
將部分力量作為Alter Ego留存於世，
並允許未來自身被迦勒底召喚。

「真不錯啊，迦勒底。
投身於各個時代、場所的紛爭之中……
我也會一起好好品味一番的。 」

彬彬有禮的她雖面帶微笑，可其真意，
肯定不是「為了人類」。
雖然多少變得圓滑了一些，但其本性卻絲毫沒有改變，這一點還請諸位多多留意。

身高/體重：166cm·53kg
出典：『Fate/EXTRA CCC』
地域：SE.RA.PH
屬性：混沌・惡　性別：女性
「身高在女性中略高這一點還請大家多多見諒。
但是能拜託您別把我跟還是小孩模樣的的童話作家相提並論嗎？ 」

性格內向、軟弱又主動。
是位優雅端莊，但並不耿直的女性。
擁有不管怎樣的玩笑都能報之一笑的包容力與灑脫又不失溫暖柔和的性格。
貞淑的價值觀與言行舉止之下，時不時的會爆出一些莫名的色情。溫厚積極，看上去弱不禁風實則很活潑，不擅人情但又慈悲萬丈。
同時深諳事實道理，解讀萬人人心，能夠深切的理解他人的立場與苦惱。
——但是
其本性，是一味的追求，解脫自我愛戀與快感的魔性菩薩。
既是柔弱的受虐狂，也是強硬的虐待狂。
內心深處雖然訴說著深愛人類的言語，
但主張的道德是“為了自己”
珍愛生命也是“為了自己”
守護世界也只是“為了自己”
她就是這麼一位自我愛戀的怪物。

對於殺生院來說，所謂「人類」只有自己而已，
除此之外的人類不過是些披著人皮的獸蟲罷了。
因此，雖然她把愛意廣撒外界，但目的卻始終只是“為了自己”。

她是一位追求性的快感，「為了自己」達到最愉快的感官體驗而不惜肆意消費他人的人生，欣賞著他們的自我毀滅的扭曲者。
為此被人玷污也OK，被他人殺死也OK
玷污他人也OK，殺死他人也OK。
總之，用「殺生院祈荒」這一女體，
終結那個人的人生也沒問題。
殺生院守護著那些人的身姿，並露出令人感覺恍惚的微笑。這幅模樣正如守護著人類一生的慈悲菩薩一般。
……對於被其玩弄於股掌之間的人來說，正可謂是牡丹花下死做鬼也風流。

『快樂天・胎藏曼荼羅』
等級：EX 種類：對人寶具 最大捕捉：七騎
快樂天・胎藏曼荼羅
對人理或者說是對冠寶具。
是體內飼養著的，說是擁有無限之力的也不為過的魔神柱beast Ⅲ專用寶具。
她的體內已經變成了一片浩瀚宇宙，一方極樂淨土。
陷入其中之物，便已無現實可言，會自我放逐，溶解理性。
無論何等堅不可摧的肉體與防禦裝甲，在殺生院體內都毫無意義，只能如呱呱墜地的生命般，被無力化與解脫。
beast Ⅲ為現實之中「孔」的本體，
掉入此孔之人會在灰飛煙滅的瞬間，體會到前所未有的巨大快樂，並在心醉神迷之際被殺生院所吸收。
從苦海無邊的現實中獲得解放的末路，根據看法不同，這也算是超度的一種吧。

〇單獨顯現：E
通過變身為Alter Ego，將自己封印。
即是所說的自重。話雖如此，卻具備著單獨顯現的「即死耐性」「魅惑耐性」。

〇千里眼（獸）：D
千里眼的等級較低，不能看透遠處之物。不過，卻能看穿眼前之人的慾望或者是真理，並大加揭發。
……若僅是如此的話，這個也可算作是聖人之技，不過，殺生院會因揭發對方的獸性·真理等事而自嗨，自我感動。正如在獵物前嘶嘶吐舌的毒蛇那樣一般。

〇五停心觀：A
五停心觀。
為殺生院祈荒開發的一個醫療軟件。
通過以心理保健為目的所創作的電腦術式，
來測定精神的安定與混亂，並從物理上將其摘除讓患者獲得精神的安寧。
這個原本是，為了理解患者的精神繪圖而製作而成的，

殺生院在『FGO』中，作為海上油田基地Seraphix的員工登場。
身為佛教徒的她卻加入了西洋教會，雖然內心驚訝，但卻也誠心誠意，兢兢業業得恪守本職。
此時的殺生院不容分說，就是是位聖人。
直到2017年1月，被從時間神殿脫逃而出的魔神柱Zepar附身，並淪為它統治Seraphix的傀儡。

……可是，不知不覺中，Zepar竟反被殺生院所控制，
殺生院成為了能自由操控魔神柱的魔人，最終變生為Beast。
殺生院從眾多平行世界中，找出了真善美的自己，並與之融合。
還將CCC世界的虛數事象帶到了FGO世界
將自身變換為SE.RA.PH，通過汲取英靈之力來獲取成長。
雖然她最終計劃著與地球合為一體，但卻遭受到了Meltlilith、ＢＢ、Passionlip、以及迦勒底Master的聯合阻止。
變身Alter Ego後的殺生院變得老實了些。
具體來說，即自我起誓，就是在契約終結之前一直保持禁慾生活。
雖本性難移，當將目光所及之物都佔為自身餌料的想法置之度外。
對待Master的態度正如佛敵魔羅一般。
一邊期待著Master終有一天敗給自己的無盡慾望而寵幸自己，一邊又在祈禱著Master不要輸給自己的誘惑而為Master加油打氣。
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*1這裡對應的是絆1。
*2清流比喻純潔（？）的御主
*3這裡我不是很懂怎麼翻，心構え本意是指心裏準備，但套進這裡好像不太符合上文下理。
*4牛女（うしおんな），一種日本都市傳說裏的怪物，擁有女人的面孔和牛的身軀，相貌醜陋。
*5既然妖尼姑說話文雅，那麼“腦子進水了”也要寫得文雅一點吧。
*6我敢肯定這裡埋了來年情人節的梗！
*7立川教崇拜骷髏，相信髑髏本尊，即王親貴族的骷髏，能替人們實現願望。

《機動戦士ガンダムUC》
EGO
作詞：mpi
作曲：澤野弘之
編曲：澤野弘之
歌：小林未郁

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背景連結 / Background Album :
https://imgur.com/a/fpZtF

英文歌詞 / English Lyrics :
You can deeply hold your bliss for loneliness
For the perfect smile I smell your ego on the way
It's been since I saw the snow
You've been told before
All the things have gone

You told me, so many mental heavy days
Do the right thing but always wrong eventually
In his arm for dreaming on
But we're not the same
So anymore...

Give me your hand I really need your help
It's not a game. What are you saying?
Trembling in the dark. It's time to find answer
Life for counter by the storm
The wave is all of the world
Have you tried to face your days that you can learn

Give me your hand I feel pain so much
It's not a game. What are you saying?
Working in the day. It's time to find answer
Life for counter by your storm
The wave is all of the world
Have you tried to face your days that you can learn

You can deeply hold your bliss for loneliness
For the perfect smile I smell your ego on the way
It's been since I saw the snow
I've been read before
At the end of lines

中文歌詞 / Chinese Lyrics :
你可以因寂寞而深深地屏住呼吸
從那完美的笑容我見識到你一貫的自我
自見那雪霽已隔多時
你也知道這一切
一切都早已過去

你如是告訴我，日日精神沉重
做正確的事卻往往錯誤收場
在他的臂彎中做夢
但我們已經
不再相同...

請助我一臂之力，我真的需要你的幫助
這並非場遊戲，你再說什麼？
在黑暗中顫抖，是時候去尋找答案
在風暴中頑強抵抗的生命
在這如驚濤駭浪般的世界
你可否嘗試面對能令你從中成長的過去？

給我一臂之力，我感受到無比清晰的傷痛
這並非場遊戲，你再說什麼？
日夜的努力，只為了求得一切解答
在風暴中頑強抵抗的生命
在這如驚濤駭浪般的世界
你可否嘗試面對能過去那些種種錯誤？

你可以為寂寞而深深屏住呼吸
從那完美的笑容我見識到你一貫的自我
自見那雪霽已隔多時
我至今已理解，這一切煩惱的答案
就在生命的盡頭