一招改善英文寫作：重要的字放後
【明報專訊】今日叔叔同大家講寫作。叔叔今天所講，只是讀、寫、教英文多年的一點點心得，並非絕對真理；尤其是文筆純屬個人品味和判斷，絕無對錯之分。緊記學語文的所謂規則，都有無數例外，不要死學，不要走火入魔，要用自己的good sense and judgment。好，講完前言，入正題。今天講一個常見的寫作方法：重要的字放後。
好多人寫的英文難看，原因是詞序鋪排欠佳。寫英文，通常愈重要、愈想傳遞、愈unexpected的信息，在句子中愈放得後。相反，不重要或意思同上句重疊，只為敘述背景而存在的字，通常放前。多講無謂，請看例子。
例一：I would say to the house, as I said to those who have joined this government. I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
蕭叔叔短評：英國前首相Winston Churchill的名句，重點在於四個語氣好重的單音節字blood, toil, tears and sweat。留意如果把四個字置前，句子立即變得軟弱無力。
反面教材：Blood, toil, tears and sweat are what I have to offer.
例二：We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering.
蕭叔叔短評：繼續看Churchill同一篇演說的下一句，留意這句詞序有點奇怪。學英文，稍遇到奇怪的地方，要即刻問：點解要咁寫？這句正常的詞序是把before us放最後，但這樣會浪費了語氣最重的最後位置。整句最重要的，是grievous，是of the most grievous kind，所以Churchill故意把它放到最後，讀起來有氣勢得多。又看看把grievous置前的反面例子，氣勢頓失：
反面教材：A grievous ordeal is before us. Many, many long months of struggle and of suffering is before us.
例三：I do not regard advertising as entertainment or an art form, but as a medium of information.
蕭叔叔短評：廣告大亨David Ogilvy的書Ogilvy on Advertising的第一句。這個人，寫作很有力，很簡潔。留意以上句子分開兩部分，都是把重點置於最後：art form和medium of information。又看看蕭叔叔改寫的反面教材。
反面教材：Acting as a medium of information is the aim of advertising, in my opinion.
例四：When I write an advertisement, I don't want you to tell me that you find it 'creative'. I want you to find it so interesting that you buy the product.
蕭叔叔短評：繼續看Ogilvy。廣告的主旨，是令人買該產品（buy the product），這也是以上兩句的主旨，所以放最後。
反面教材：I want you to buy the product because you find it interesting after seeing the advertisement that I wrote.
那麼，重要的字放最前又可以嗎？當然可以。有時強調語氣，重要的字放前，以達震懾的效果，也是有的。總之，今天所說只是蕭叔叔多看好文章後歸納的觀察，並非絕對真理，so feel very free to depart from it. And be guided by your own good sense and judgment.
蕭叔叔
PS：舊文一篇，見有網友問到寫作，就再放上來呃呃like😌
sweat意思 在 [ 中英歌詞] Pink Sweat$ -At My Worst 中文翻譯 - YouTube 的八卦
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