does respectful parenting work的八卦，Yahoo名人娛樂都在討論

Yesterday, upon complete excitement that our mango tree was fruiting, we also discovered a bee hive on one of the branches!

In the past, whenever we have had a bee hive, we would call the fire brigade and they would come after dark (bees are less active at night), start a controlled fire, burn the hive, then remove it. A super easy process but also very cool to watch.

At first, I was super excited because Ella Grace loooooooves firemen and I knew she would love getting to meet them, see the truck, watch the process.

Then I realized that I really didn’t want to explain to her that:
a. we would start a fire on purpose
b. we would burn the bees alive

This is my child who gives up prized party pack treasures for the sea turtles and whom we’ve just organized an entire holiday around nature, giving her the opportunity to geek out on her conservation self.

So what does a mama do?

Give her the opportunity to meet her superheroes in person or support her eco-loving mission even though it’s so so much more complicated?

Here’s the hard heart work of Respectful Parenting, it’s not just teaching little ones to respect you, but also respect others, respect themselves, respect the environment.

Never mind being a Child & Family Development Specialist, how would I answer when my Ella Bella asked mama why we burned the bees alive and destroyed their home?

Amazingly, my mom had just heard about MY Bee Savior - Penyelamat Lebah Malaysia so instead of the quick 15 minute fix that would still let me continue with my friend plans that night, we went with the more complicated humane route.

Honey bees are dwindling in numbers and what these amazing volunteer superheroes do is they come and remove the hive, preserving the queen and worker bees, before transporting the entire colony to the Jabatan Pertanian in Serdang where the bees get to live happily ever after. They do this at no cost to the homeowner, bearing the transportation fees, time consumption and getting stung all to preserve instead of destroy.

Holy amazingness.

I want to always always use my platform for good so please go support these amazing superheroes that quietly save the world, one bee at a time and don’t ask for anything back.

If you ever find a bee hive, please consider calling them before you call the fire brigade or exterminate them yourself.

There was also an option to smoke them out but this ensures that they get transferred to a safe place.

The best part is this morning, I could easily explain with pride what happened to the bee hive while she slept but more important to my mama heart, role model kindness, compassion, empathy, resilience.

We got this, little one.

One bee at a time.

❤️

Good morning!

I'm writing an article on protective behaviors and thought it was so important that I share some of the safeguards that we use online with Ella Grace. We live a pretty public life but there are a few key areas that we are especially vigilant on in order to protect her.

***
1. NO LIVE POSTING
If you follow me on social media, you'll notice that very rarely do we live post unless we're on holiday somewhere really far away or have a specific event that we have agreed to live post on. It's why I only instastory at night and not always on the same day. This helps me help her keep safe from strangers knowing our schedule, where we are at what time or even knowing where we are right now.

2. NO SCHOOL PICTURES
Every mama has their crazy and this is certifiably mine. I am fiercely protective of people knowing where Ella Grace goes to school and we are very strict about not posting any school pictures online at all. I also made up Ella Grace's very non-descript uniform and the days that she does wear a school shirt, we either change after or I just don't post any pictures of her in it. I also delete any comments that make any reference to her school or her school friends (please be mindful of other people's littles too!) and we don't let her school post any marketing material that has her face on it.

3. NO SPECIFICS
While we do share a lot online, we are quite strict about not posting specifics like which playgroups we go to or what days we plan on going to it, what days her activities are and where, which pediatricians she sees, what events we are attending together for the week (unless it's a specific meet and greet). Again, it's so no one really can keep track of your routine or whereabouts and even if they figure it out, it takes a lot more work, thus making your little less vulnerable to being a victim.

4. NO HASHTAGS
I have quite a few hashtags that I use for work but Ella Grace doesn't have a generic one that I use for all her posts. While it isn't that hard to put her face to her name or how she’s definitely prominently featured on most of my posts (hi mama 😂😅), this is usually suggested so pedophiles don’t have instant easy access to a catalog of your child’s pictures.

5. NO PRIVATE PHOTOS / NO BIKINIS
In line with that, I also am really protective about the kind of photos she takes. Strictly no naked photos, photos of her on the toilet, photos of her in any compromising position or wearing anything that wouldn't be considered as modest swimwear. If we are on a photoshoot and she has to change outfits, I make sure that she does it either in a private area or that the photographer puts down his/her gear.

6. NO ADDRESSES
To protect ourselves and our friends, if I post a location of a home, it is usually quite generic. We have a mailing box for partnership deliveries and I don't give out our home address and try to avoid even mentioning the area if I can.

7. NO PERSONALIZED ANYTHING
While my OCD heart loves personalized anything, I don't personalize or embroider her name on her clothes, lunchbox, backpack, uniform, water bottle, etc. I might label it in a discreet place but never big enough that anyone off the street would immediately know her name by looking at it or if there was a picture taken of her, it's not instantly, her name is Ella Grace and she looks like this. Remember for little ones, if a stranger knows their name and calls them, they might go to them as they are still learning the difference between a nice stranger and trusted friend.

8. WOULD SHE MIND IF SHE READ/SAW THIS?
This is what I always come to when I'm writing stories or using her as my example, would she mind if she read or saw this as an adult later? Am I being respectful of her story and her journey? Am I using her story in the right way or is it just to make fun of her and something she might be embarassed of later?

***

While it's a lot more trickier for us to keep her sheltered online, it's a decision that my husband and I made together. We sat down and discussed the safeguards we felt passionately about and made sure that we had plans in place to keep her safe.

Not everyone will have the same amount of mama bear crazy, my hope in sharing this is that you'll be able to make an informed decision for whatever works for your family.

Everyone parents differently and that's okay. Share this but don't judge. Protect your mama tribe but don't shame. Awareness is key and I know this with all my heart that mamas standing up and showing up for one another can change the world.

Let's keep those babies safe! <3

***

Racheal Kwacz is a Child and Family Development Specialist, women's leadership speaker and mama tribe advocate. As creator of the ‘RACHEAL Method’, she combines her 20+ years experience working with children in the USA and in Asia with the foundations of ‘Respectful Parenting’, leading parents and teachers around the world in raising kind, confident, compassionate, resilient little ones.

Racheal is also an avid supporter of women for women and loves speaking on authentic leadership and community.

My husband and I work quite a bit from home and these are some tips that have really helped us navigate work and family life together.

Each family dynamic is different, and what might work for one family, may look very different for another. The key using Respectful Parenting principles is just to let love lead.

Be kind to one another as well as yourself. Prep. Listen. Empathize. Acknowledge. Sit. Empower.

This is a new normal for many in what is an unprecedented move and will take a little time to adjust. To learn what works and what doesn't and there will be days that you definitely learn what doesn't. Or that it is less than what you expected or wanted that day to be. But maybe the next day or the day after you'll learn what does.

And when it falls apart some days, which it will. We've had different iterations of working from home since Ella Grace was born and there's been lots of giant failwhale moments even with the best laid plans. In those moments, the biggest things my husband and I needed to do was to breathe it all out, sit with all those uncomfortable feelings of hard and growth and guilt and overwhelm, allow it to surface and not build resentment, ask what it was here to teach us, let it go, forgive ourselves as much as each other, pick it all and each other up, call all the pieces back, and start again.

One step at a time, one day at a time.

Let love lead.

You got this mama, I'm rooting for you.

***
WORKING FROM HOME TOGETHER
1. Ask what's important. This is something we did together as a family and is pivotal. Asking what each other needed, what would help, what would not help, how we saw this working out really help everyone get on the same page. We wrote and listed down everything we talked about which really helped us all visually build a schedule as well as know and manage each others expectations.

2. Designate work and non-work time. This is crucial and will make a huge amount of difference. A schedule and routine helps give everyone structure to the day which is very comforting when so much is up in the air. It also allows everyone to be really present whether at work or with each other. Work is work time, play is really play time.

3. Connect to disconnect. If your little one is interrupting a lot, they are seeking for an emotional refueling and connection. If you are able to, fill up that tank through play and presence. When you first start and especially if you don't normally get a lot of time with them, they will crave for this a lot and follow you everywhere. Keep filling that tank, ideally designating specific refueling time (refer above!!) imagining it as in the negative, and when you can get it full, you'll be amazed at how well and willing they will be to separate and do their own thing.

4. Welcome interruptions lovingly but stay focused and come back to it. Take and build in breaks - ask if you need to connect, limit, set, prioritize, or nourish.

5. Sit by a window and bathe in natural light, preferable with some view of green with a giant bottle of water next to you - stay hydrated! Healthy snacks also help your brain get into a theta wave which is the most receptive to information and learning. I sit next to a giant window in our living room and it helps me not go stir-crazy!

6. Better yet, take lots of movement breaks. Exercise over eating allows your brain to stay in the theta wave the longest which is really where your brain is at it's optimum. The movement helps you get it all out and cope better by also releasing a flood of happy hormones. We try to start our day with a little 20-30min family exercise, it doesn't have to be fancy. Sometimes it's a little circuit that we build in our living room, a yoga or zumba video, or even just a dance party.

7. You don't have to "dress up" but it's important that you get dressed, brush your teeth, wash your face, prep yourself. It will really help you move from sloth to work mode. 😅❤️

8. Designate a work area and space. We live in a little apartment in the city but having designated work spaces is so important to help us keep focused and "in the zone".

9. Quiet is ideal but if not, earplugs or headphones work too when you need it.

10. Don't micromanage, you'll go crazy. Allow and trust everyone the beauty of discovery. What works for them, what doesn't. How creative they can get. How to regulate. How to ask for what they need or don't.

11. Be flexible and open as much as possible to change and new experiences and ideas as well as little mess. Again, we have a little 1500sqft condo in the city and we're actually on day 12 of self-quarantine so being mindful that this is a shared space for all of us means allowing Ella Grace to "dress up" our living room, leave different creations at different stages as she free plays, or being kind on ourselves in terms of what housework we can manage today if our plate is especially full or if we are just tired.

12. 20 minute shakedowns are your friend. We play this game in the evenings or when we need it and it's called a 20min shakedown. We set the timer for 20mins and everyone earnestly picks up, cleans up, puts away, the crazy of the day. The key is to really walk away at the 20min mark even if it's not perfect. What this does is that because you know it's only going to be 20mins, everyone tries their hardest and makes it fun instead of never-ending. Better yet, everyone is happy to do it again the next time!

13. Plan your time strategically. Mornings for me are for correspondence/follow-up/emails as I know I'm likely more to be interrupted then so pick tasks that would be easy to get back into. Nap time is calls or anything I might need to get done during the day that works better with minimal interruption. I usually "clock-off" at 3/4pm to play with Ella Grace (connect to disconnect!!) before I start dinner and usually go back to work at about 8/9pm to do the more serious thinking stuff that requires quiet like writing articles, designing workshops, working on slides, etc.

14. Schedule in marriage time. J and I are technically colleagues and we also run a business together. It's easy to get stuck in work mode so being sure that work is work and marriage is marriage also helps a lot. We make sure to "date" each other after Ella Grace goes to bed at night. It doesn't have to be fancy, a shared dessert, cuddling and watching a movie together, talking about our day. However and whatever your love languages are, honor that.

15. Be kind. To yourself, to your little one, to each other. It's hard heart work and it's constantly learning and unlearning. Choose to find joy. In the little things, in the big things. This too will pass, mama. We love you and are standing in the light with you. <3

📷 That Wild Road Photography