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说一说…..小黄花

多年前，我和朋友到云南旅行。
一个晴朗的下午，我们的车子开在一条马路上，两边尽是一望无际青翠的草原，厚实的云层低得让你以为只要用力踮脚伸腰就触手可及，而穿过云层洒在青草上的是神圣的耶稣光……好美好美。
我忍不住请司机大哥在路边停车，跑到草原上拍照。
我顺着耶稣光的方向走去，绿油油的草原间，长满了一朵朵闪耀的小黄花。
我把长镜头对准其中一朵小黄花，想把它在阳光下的灿烂留住。

仔细一看，刹时一阵深深的感动。
这朵小黄花的花瓣是心形的，镜头里的它好像在跟我说“我爱你”。
也许是它把我召唤到这里，让我们相遇，然后把一份强大的爱赐予我。

2007年，在好友采妮（杨采妮）的发起下，我和Gigi（梁咏琪），秀秀（许茹芸）决定成立一个儿童慈善教育基金会。
为基金会取名时，我想起了那朵充满爱的小黄花，提议了小黄花这个名字。
小黄花是野花，它在艰难的环境下成长，经历日晒雨淋，暴风吹打，却勇敢接受磨练，长得越来越粗壮，最后终于开出了灿烂的小黄花，散发着属于它的光芒。
这个精神正可以用来鼓励贫穷家庭的孩子，而我们可以透过基金会的角色，把我们的爱变成滋养他们的土地和阳光。
决定了这个名字后，我把小黄花的照片递给女儿，当时八岁的她就画了今天大家所看到的小黄花标志。

2008年，回归家乡，2010年年底，进入贫民区开始提供免费午餐，2012年正式注册。

十年，从贫民窟的免费午餐计划……至今天两间中心“小黄花乐园”，照顾上百位贫穷家庭的孩子，提供他们免费营养午餐，教育，课外活动，未来规划…..至疫情管制令期间购买医疗防护用品捐赠医院，提供六百多个贫穷家庭粮食….，这一路沿着初心走来，所有参与小黄花慈善教育基金会的工作者，无不深深地感受爱的力量。

这些孩子照亮了我们内心的慈悲，让我们发现原来爱才是真正让我们变得强大的养分，而这份强大不强势，不咄咄逼人，不傲气，而是一份非常温柔和温暖的强大。

多年前，阅读了特丽莎修女的传记。
她一生的全部财产就是一尊耶稣像，三套衣服和一双凉鞋，她为印度数不尽的贫穷家庭和快要死亡的穷人服务。
她把一生都奉献给贫穷人们，让他们受到尊重，关怀和爱。

她说：
爱自己，爱他人，爱生命里一切需要爱的事物，不要任何理由。
哪怕生命微小到只是一根细小的灯芯，燃烧了，就能照亮自己，也能照亮他人。
甚至，你还可以尝试去照亮一个世界。
每次回顾特丽莎修女的事迹或是她的语录，简单的几句话，就能让我轻易感动至眼眶泛泪。

十年，从当初“一定要喂饱孩子”的初心出发，到今日得以结合大众的力量一起关爱更多的贫穷家庭，心里尽是感恩，感恩再感恩。

很多人都觉得做慈善机构很难，很难在现今追求名利的社会里找到志同道合的伙伴。
但这十年里，从事这份慈善工作，我一直都遇见了许多非常伟大，善良的同伴，更因为这份工作而结交了许多以前身为艺人没有机会接触在各个领域已很经成功，还致力从事慈善工作的人们，让我感受到了这个社会里非常强大和温暖的力量。

因为一份关爱，打开了我的心，我的眼睛，甚至我的整个世界。

行动管制令期间，因为募款的款项非常踊跃，于是小黄花的五位员工异常忙碌。
她们每天忙于接收善款，处理捐款的文件工作，回复捐助者的讯息，定期向大众更新最新的善款运用详情，致电关心各方提供的本地贫穷家庭，难民，外籍工作者的状况，安排食物订购和运送，处理医疗防护用品的订购事宜，行动管制令开始放宽后，就忙于探访特殊案例家庭和老人院，做进一步的了解，以便能提供他们更长远的援助。

她们很忙，很累，但她们说“内心很感动，从来没想过自己有一天竟然在国家陷入困境时，与许多素未谋面的善心人士一起，帮助那么多在这片土地生活的人们。”

我很爱很爱我的伙伴们，因为她们的加入，让这份工作得以持续下去，还不停成长。
因为她们的付出，让更多的贫穷人们得到关爱。

特丽莎修女虽然已经离开人世，但她的精神和能量还在发挥着强大的影响和指引。
而还在人世间的我们，也许可以就如她说的：
我们当中极少数人能做伟大的事情，但每一个人都可以用崇高的爱去做平凡的事。
Few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love.

P/S:
1) 感谢所有在疫情期间帮助我们的义工。
2) 小黄花教育基金会聘请新员工，如果你有兴趣可以联络我们 (017-384 4123)。 (只限女性) 😊


Let’s talk about….. Little Yellow Flower

Many years back, I went to Yunnan with my friend. It was a sunny afternoon. Our car was driving along the road, both sides covered in vast fresh and green grassland. The heavy clouds were hanging so low that you will feel as though as it is within reach just by stretching out your hands while tip-toeing. Also, passing through the clouds, were the divine looking crepuscular rays sprinkling over the grasses…. It was really, really beautiful and magnificent.

I just could not help it but to request for the chauffeur to pull up by the roadside, running into the grassland to take a picture. I walked and followed the ray’s directions in the lush green grassland towards a spot where there were just many small little radiant looking yellow flowers. I pointed the long camera lens towards one of the little yellow flower, wanting to keep its brilliances while under the sunshine.

Taking a closer look at the flower, I was suddenly deeply moved. The petals of this little yellow flower are heart-shaped. It seems to be saying “I Love You” to me through the camera lens. Perhaps it was the one who is calling me, letting us meet and bestowing me a sense of powerful love.

In the year 2007, with the initiative from Charlie Young, who is one of my best friends, and together with Gigi Leung and Valen Hsu, we decided to set up an education charity Foundation for the children.

When we were naming the Foundation, I thought of the little yellow flower which was full of love and proposed to use “Little Yellow Flower” as the name of the Foundation.

The little yellow flower is a flower which grows in the wilderness. It has to grow under the harsh environment, experiencing the beating weather like the scorching hot sun, drenching under the rain and bracing itself in the forceful windy storms. Yet it endures and accepts it bravely, growing into a splendid looking little yellow flower, shining radiantly and brightly.

This spirit can be used to encourage the children of poor families and communities. Through the Foundation, it enables us to transmit our love to nourish their soul and become their sunshine.

After deciding to use this name, I gave this picture to my daughter and the Little Yellow Flower logo which you all see today is actually drawn by her who was only 8 years old at that time.

Year 2008, I returned to my homeland. End of 2010, we started to provide free lunch for the children in the slum area and in 2012, we are registered formally in Malaysia.

10 years… from providing free lunch program in the slum areas, and now at present, we have 2 centers known as “Little Yellow Flower Wonderland”; Taking care of more than one hundred children from poor families, providing them free nutritious lunch, education, extra curriculums, fun learning and future planning…..During this pandemic and Movement Control Order period, we have purchased, donated Personal Protection Equipment and goods which are medically treated to the hospitals and also provided essential needs and food for over 600 poor families and individuals.
During this journey, with the original intention of the Foundation, all the staffs in Little Yellow Flower Education Foundation, sensed the deep power of love.

These children have lighten up our innermost compassion, allowing us to realize that love is the nutrient that makes us more powerful. However, this strength is not intensive, not aggressive, not arrogant but rather one that is much gentler, tender and warm.

I have read Mother Teresa’s biography many years ago. Throughout her life, her entire assets consist of only a Jesus statue, 3 sets of clothes and a pair of sandals. She served countless numbers of the poor and cared for the sick who are at the brink of death in India. She devoted her life to the poor, allowing them to be respected, cared for and loved.

She has said: “Love yourself, Love others, Love everything in life that needs to be loved. Even if life is as tiny as a wick, when ignited, it is able to illuminate oneself and also others. So much so that you may even try to light up the whole world.”
The corners of my eyes would easily tear up whenever I look back at Mother Teresa’s achievements or quotes, even though it is just those few simple words.
With the intention of “Must feed these children” from 10 years ago up to today, to be able to combine the strength from the public together to care for these poor, I am forever, over and over again filled with gratefulness.
Many people think that to serve in charitable work is very difficult. Difficult to find like-minded partners in this modern society where it is all about fame and profit. But during these 10 years, ever since engaging in this charitable work, I have met many great and kind-hearted people. It is also because of this work, I am able to meet up with a lot of successful people from various industries (people who are not in the entertainment industry). These people are also actively involved and committed in charitable work. This reminded and gave me a great sense of energy, strength and warmth still exists in the society.
Because of this care and love, it has opened up my mind, heart, eyes and my whole world.
During the Movement Control Order, due to the enormous responses from the fundraising event, all the 5 staffs in Little Yellow Flower were extremely busy.
Every day, they are busy receiving donation, processing documents, responding to the donors’ messages, regularly updating the public about the funds raised and used, finding out about the condition and needs of our local poor families, refugees and migrant workers. Making orders, preparing and delivering out essentials and food to these families in need, handling orders and making arrangements for the medical personal protection equipment.
When the Movement Control Order restrictions were relaxed, they are now busy with visitations to households of special cases and nursing homes to further understand their situation, to be able to provide them long-term support.
They are awfully busy and very tired but they told me this: “We are deeply moved. Never have we thought that there will be a day when the country would be in difficulties and we would be heavily involved, working together with so many kind people whom we have never met before to provide assistance to the people living on the same land as us.”
I love my workmates very, very much. This work is able to continuously grow and develop because of their participation. It is because of their efforts, more poor people are being cared for.
Although Mother Teresa has left this earthly world, her spirit and energy is still exerting powerful influences and guidance. To those of us who are still in this secular world, as she has said: “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
P/S:
A) Thank you very much to all volunteers who have helped out during this period of time.
😎 Little Yellow Flower Education Foundation is now hiring. If you are interested to join us, you may contact us at 017-3844123. (FEMALE ONLY) 😊

#说一说
#letstalkabout
#小黄花慈善教育基金会
Little Yellow Flower

Greetings from Yangon.

I have lived in places where villagers would be chopped in half by gangs any day, tornadoes could sweep off the whole town any minute, mass killing on both sides of the country, mass shooting at schools nearby...

Things like that have been happening way before we were born, ups and downs of humanity right under our feet, waves of scares, but now we’re just more well informed. While it seems not much we can do, I actually always choose to see the small things, look at all the wonders life keeps revealing to us, and look for then focus on the goodness in people I encounter in my life.

And breathe.

And make music. Or watch Netflix, recently, when things get tough.

It is February 1st, 2021 in Yangon, Myanmar, I am still alive and healthy. We live. We carry on with hope. That’s all.

Love,
Chet

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)

Here is just a quick hair tutorial that only takes a few minutes to do. Great for days where you are in a hurry to do your hair but you still want to look cute (because who doesn't? =D). This cute knotted side bun is super adorable and would be perfect for school/everyday. I don't know about you guys but where I'm living in right now, I can barely stand a day with my hair down.

This hairstyle has a very cute and fun feel. It's kinda messy and looks complicated but it's so easy that you can do it with your eyes closed. I did this hairstyle with mega textured/beachy hair. It was super teased for a runway style up-do hairstyle ouch.... It's a lot easier with clean (or greasy lol) hair but the dryness did make the hairstyle stay put lol.

Ps. I didn't dye my hair again (obviously from my roots lol). My dark dye just faded =( My hair doesn't like being dark.

Pps. I got my Hello Kitty fashion glasses from Argle Centre Mong Kok. You can actually get them almost everywhere in Hong Kong. I wish they're my real glasses O_O They're so fun!

EDIT! I just checked ebay and you can actually find them in all sorts of colours. They cost roughly the same as how much I paid for them in HK. Hope this helps. Just type in 'Hello kitty glasses'. x

Ppps. HAPPY NATIONAL WOMANS DAY!

Pppps. Oh, almost forgot to mention. Did you notice I show how my hair looks knotted in both sides? I think my side bun always looks best on my right side. You?

Time to dance to Roly Poly again (Or lolly polly). My fav song from T-ara. Yes, I used the instrumental ^^.

Much love, Bubz xx
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TIP: Use red colour for a daring but natural look! :D Have fun cuties!
Don't you love that healthy, well hydrated look you get after a hot shower? Too bad it doesn't last longer! Mulgwang, which is Korean and translates to "Water Glow" is a makeup technique that will get you an after shower look that lasts all day long! Are you ready get bright, glowing skin without noticing the use of makeup? Well I sure am! Let's

Use a toner and cotton pads to freshen up your pores and control sebum. Press the cotton pad softly on your skin and gently swipe upwards. Always handle your skin with sensitivity to avoid irritations.
Next I'll cleanse my face with a moisturising foam and then soak it up by gently pressing a soft towel on my skin. I recommend using foam washes bas they cleanse deeply without being harsh.
For the "Wet Skin Look" it's important to give your skin a good amount of moisture. I will stick on these adorable Rosehip Oil pads on the dryer parts of my face and let my skin absorb all the moisture.
Once you ensured that your skin is well hydrated, let's move on to the Mulgwang makeup!

Get a pink tone corrector and a volumiser
, in my case a sun screen! Brush on some tone corrector and mix it up with enough moisturiser of your choice to cover all parts of your face, diminishing the dark spots for an even complexion.
Now get your bestie the volumiser, and your everyday foundation. Squirt out half the amount you would normally use and add moisturiser to 2/3 of the concealer.
Mulgwang Formula: 1/2 Concealer + 2/3 the
By using a volumiser like that you will actually need to use less makeup while taking care of your skin.
The colour part of the makeup will be applied in a similar way. Choose either your favourite oil, in my case apricot oil, orgood old vaseline. Today I will show you how to use both. Scrape off some eyeshadow in a neutral brown colour and if you're using oil, one tiny drop is enough to create a liquid eyeshadow. Now, apply the colour on your eyelids and blend using your fingers.
e. If you want, apply the eyeshadow colour on the sides of your nose, cheekbones, jaw and forehead for some contouring.
f. Rouge and lips w/ Vaseline
Now let's try vaseline! Scrape off some rouge colour and mix it with a pea sized amount of vaseline. Apply the same colour on your cheeks and lips as this looks the most natural, especially with pink. If you want to be more daring then try a nice shade of red!
e. If you own a liquid shimmer, dab some of it on the corner of your eye to make them look wider.
Although Mascara helps enlarging your eyes, one or 2 layers are enough to get the effect while fitting into the no makeup makeup look.
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