《Candide》是一部好玩和滑稽的小說,放到伯恩斯坦手上笑點就更加密集和濃縮,所以邀請你不只看我的文字註腳,更重要去片親耳聽聽你未聽過的諧趣,例如這一段:
Life is pleasant, life is simple-
Oh my God, is that a pimple?
No, it's just the odd reflection -
Life and I are still perfection!
I am everything I need!
Life is happiness indeed!
活着歡樂活着簡易,
哎呀嗰度係咪瘡痍?
原來只係無聊質疑,
活着的我無瑕生疑—
應該有嘅我盡懷,
生於世無疑幸快!
Life is happiness indeed,故事開始講到城堡裡的一群富二代在炫耀和較量自己有多好,去證明活着就是幸福當然,但這樣還不足夠,堡主還僱老師Pangloss灌輸他們樂觀主義的精粹,下一幕就是教〈The Best of All Possible World〉:
Let us review
Lesson eleven
Paragraph two
Axion seven
Once one dismisses
The rest of all possible worlds
One finds that this is
The best of all possible worlds!
記得我昨天說的嗎?萊布尼茨的邏輯。歌詞下一段由哲學跳到生物學:
老師:
Pray classify
Pigeons and camels
學生:
Pigeons can fly!
Camels are mammals!
然後老師借題發揮跳到他想要的結論:
There is a reason
For everything under the sun!
「日光之下,凡存在皆合理。」你要小心這句說話——既然萬物皆理,怎解釋日光之下有無理的事發生呢?於是學生Maximillian提出了反對:
Objection!
What about snakes?
蛇這種生物如此惡毒,又害人類逐出伊甸園,上帝為甚麼創造牠呢?Pangloss唱出他的「道理」:
Snakes!
'Twas snake that tempted mother Eve
Because of snake we now believe
That though depraved
We can be saved
From hellfire and damnation
蛇啊?
靠蛇試探眾生之母
拜蛇所賜眾生先至信
就算墮落喇
眾生都可以得救
遠離永火和詛咒
If snake had not seduced our lot
And primed us for salvation
Jehova could not pardon all
The sins that we call cardinal
Involving bed and bottle!
如蛇沒再引人墮落
引我們渴望拯救
耶和華就唔會原諒我哋
所有罪滿盈如樞機
沉溺在床上和樽中
厲害吧?幾句就理掂了人類對上帝的創世質疑,Now onto Aristotle:
Mandkind is one
All men are brother
As you'd have done
Do unto others
眾人皆一體
四海皆兄弟
子曰己欲達
而達人者貴
伏爾泰不只想諷刺基督教,連亞里士多德也要算帳了。到Candide提出反對:Objection!What about war?
老師又要說教:
War!
Though war may seem a bloody curse
It is a blessing in reverse
When canon roar
Both rich and poor
By danger are united!
戰爭啊?
雖戰爭似是血腥詛咒
但反過來說是祝福
當炮彈咆哮
無論貧富懸殊
都因此同舟共濟
Till every wrong is right!
直至錯變成對
Philosophers make evident
The point that I have cited
'Tis war makes equal -- as it were --
The noble and the commoner
Thus war improves relations!
哲學家們有例可證
我只不過引經據典
「戰爭是公平的,因它對
貴族平民一視同仁」
所以戰爭改善關係
所有開戰名義,不都說自己是正義之師?
Now onto Conjugation(詞形變化)!
老師教:
Amo, amas, Amat, amamus!
這是拉丁文第一堂必教的四個字。Amo是我愛,Amas是你愛,Amat是他愛,Amamus是我們愛。然後Pangloss又借題發揮:
Proving that this is
The best of all possible worlds
With love and kisses
The best of all possible worlds!
只要做到人人相親相愛,這不就是我們想要的理想世界嗎?
Quod erat demunstrandum!
拉丁文意思是「這就是證明」。
Q.E.D!
我話ok就ok啦。所有嘢都好好。
落堂!
〈The Best of All Possible World〉影片:https://youtu.be/R3ANMTxGVIw
作者
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作者,生於香港,已出版小說《地球另一端》和《捉姦》,可inbox網購。新作品《捉姦》於序言書室和商務印書店上架。
同時也有10000部Youtube影片,追蹤數超過62萬的網紅Bryan Wee,也在其Youtube影片中提到,...