tibet language的八卦，Yahoo名人娛樂都在討論

Các bạn cùng xem bộ ảnh ở Larung Gar và Lhasa của Tâm nhé!
#tambui #wanderlust #tibet #larunggar #skyburial #hunter #huntermove #bitis
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Chuyến đi Tây Tạng lần này kéo dài 15 ngày, chia là 2 phần: một nữa ở Larung Gar và một nữa ở Lhasa. Nói về Larung Gar, có nhiều bạn inbox mình yêu cầu cập nhật tình hình đi lại ở đó nên mình chia sẻ ở đây luôn. Trước khi đi, mình có tìm hiểu các thông tin trên mạng thì thấy khá ít chia sẻ về Larung Gar, chỉ lác đác vài kinh nghiệm cập nhật cách đây 3,4 năm của vài bạn nước ngoài. Thế là bằng 1% thông tin và 99% niềm tin rằng mình sẽ đến được nơi đó, tui đã băng mình lên đường. Nhóm có 4 người, trong đó 3 người không muốn đến Larung nên sau khi cùng nhau bay đến Thành Đô, mình chia tay các bạn và độc hành.

Chuẩn bị hết tất cả những gì có thể như download bảng đồ, từ điển tiếng Trung - Anh, đọc review chỉ đường, chuẩn bị hành trang gọn nhẹ, giày tốt để đi bộ nhiều bla bla các thứ và đầu tiên là đến...lộn bến xe. Đi Larung Gar phải bắt xe đi Serta và chỉ có bến xe Chadianzi mới có tuyến, mình đã nghe lời anh bạn biết tiếng Trung nói là bến Xinnanmen cũng đi Serta được nên khi đến thì phát hiện là không có, quay lại Chadianzi thì đã trễ giờ, đành lang thang Thành Đô 1 ngày nữa đợi sáng hôm sau lên xe. Xe đi Serta xuất phát lúc 6:10, 6:15, 6:20 sáng hàng ngày ở bến xe Chadianzi nha các bạn, nên mua vé trước 1-2 ngày cho an toàn. Thêm một điều đặc biệt nữa là thông tin trên mạng ghi là Serta, còn ở TQ mọi người phiên âm là Seda nên nếu không biết sẽ lộn tùng phèo nha.

Cách đây 3-4 năm, phải ngồi xe 16 tiếng mới tới Serta (Seda), còn giờ đường đã tốt hơn, chỉ mất …12 tiếng thôi nha (cũng khá phê). Đường khá tốt, chỉ có đoạn gần tới nơi thì hơi xấu và gồ ghề. Bến xe nằm ở Serta, cách bến xe khoảng 10km là mình thấy Larung Gar trước nên thường các bạn đến bến xe xong phải bắt xe đi ngược lại 1 tí. Còn mình thì khác, khi gần đến Larung khoảng 40km thì có 1 trạm cảnh sát. Họ kiểm tra hết ID card của mọi người trên xe, những ai k phải là công dân TQ đều được xuống xe, giữ lại không cho vào Larung. Chẳng ai nói được tiếng Anh cả, nhưng may thay có 1 bạn người Nhật cũng bị giữ lại chung với mình biết nói tiếng Trung nên bạn ấy giải thích là cảnh sát bảo không cho vào Larung vì trong đó đang có festival lớn nên hạn chế khách nước ngoài (thực ra khi mình vào thì chả thấy festival gì cả). Bạn người Nhật chuyển hướng đi một chỗ khác, còn mình thì vẫn nhất định tìm cách vào cho bằng được. Mình được cảnh sát chở vào một khách sạn đắt đỏ gần đó, giá 200 tệ 1 đêm để ngủ lại chờ sáng mai bắt xe về Thành Đô. Khách sạn cách trạm cảnh sát khoảng 1km. Mình cất đồ đạc, đeo ba lô ra đường tìm cứu cánh. Lúc này tầm 5h chiều, trời nắng chang chang, tới 9h đêm trời mới tắt nắng. Mình đi 1 vòng thì thấy có 1 cô gái tóc vàng cũng đang lang thang, biết ngay là người đồng cảnh ngộ nên mình hú cô ta “Hey! Can you speak English?” Thế nào cô ấy xổ 1 tràng đại ý là cổ người Canada, làm ở Đại Lục được 4 năm, nói tiếng Trung như gió, bị bắt lại đợi xe về Thành Đô luôn. 2 đứa tâm sự qua lại chuyện trên trời dưới biển xong thì gặp toán thanh niên trai làng đến táng gái. Các bạn nói tiếng Trung với nhao, mình chả hiểu mô tê, nhưng cuối cùng cũng đến cái mình cần. Đó là 1 chàng thanh niên đề nghị sẽ chở mình vào Larung với giá 400 tệ (khoảng 1,3tr), nhờ cô nàng tóc vàng thông dịch. Sau một hồi kì kèo, mình mệt quá nên đồng ý luôn 400 tệ vì nghĩ thôi đã tới đây rồi, còn 1 chút xíu nữa nên ráng luôn cho xong. Bạn trai ấy hẹn tối 8h30 sẽ chạy tới khách sạn đón mình vì đi tối thì cảnh sát không canh nữa. Mình về khách sạn ngủ một hồi, thấy điện thoại rung, bắt máy thì nghe “Serta! Serta!” là biết chàng tới. Giật mình thấy trời nắng chang chang, nghĩ sao thằng này tới chi sớm dữ, chưa tối mà. Nhìn đồng hồ mới thấy 8:30 rồi, haiz ở đây nắng trễ quá má ơi!

Lên xe. Thằng đó ra dấu là mày ra sau đuôi xe, nằm xuống ghế đắp mền lại đi. Khi nào tao ok thì mày chui lên. Cảm giác ly kì từ đây bắt đầu vì mình tự hù doạ bản thân là không biết thằng này có chở mình đi bán nội tạng hay không nữa. Rồi nếu bị cảnh sát giữ lại thì chắc bị trục xuất khỏi TQ luôn quá! Lúc này chỉ biết trùm mền và cầu nguyện, hy vọng là Dalai Lama nghe thấy lời thỉnh cầu và cho phép mình vào được Larung. Qua trạm cảnh sát một hồi, thằng guide la lên “Ok Ok!”, mình lồm cồm bò dậy nghĩ “Cũng không đến nỗi kinh khủng!”

Trên đường đi, thằng guide cố gắng nói chuyện với mình bằng …tiếng Trung. Mình body language với nó với ý nghĩ là “Mày đừng khách sáo, không cần take care thăm hỏi tao đâu! Tao rất ok khi mày để tao yên!” Nhưng nó không thể hiểu. Mình type trên điện thoại translate ra tiếng Trung cho nó thì nó …không biết đọc (nó người Tạng nên chỉ biết nói tiếng Trung). Mình đã bắt đầu thấy tương lai hơi đen từ lúc này. Sau khoảng 1 tỉ âm tiết mà thằng đó phát ra, mình collect lại 1 từ là “THIÊN TÁNG” vì tiếng Hán Việt phát âm y chang tiếng Trung. Mình nói “Ô KÊ BABY!” Vậy ý mày là mày sẽ chở tao đi vòng vòng Larung hết 2 ngày, muốn đi đâu đi, và mày chở đi coi Thiên Táng luôn. Nó gật đầu ực ực (tuy chả hiểu tiếng Anh của mình). Mình lôi điện thoại ra cho nó bấm, ý hỏi là mày deal bao nhiêu tiền trọn gói. Nó bấm 1400 tệ. Thôi tao chơi với mày luôn, đằng nào vào đó nếu đi một mình tao cũng chả làm ăn được gì.

CHAPTER 1: LARUNG GAR
Mình đang mơ màng trên xe, thằng guide la lên “Larung Larung!”, mắt nhắm mắt mở, mình thấy sao nhiều đèn thế, sao cái gì trùng trùng điệp điệp vầy nè?!! Giữa ánh sáng lờ lờ lúc nữa đêm, Larung dần dần hiện lên thật sừng sững và đồ sộ. Các bạn vui lòng xem hình và nhân cảm xúc lên 1000 lần, thì sẽ bằng lúc mình tận mắt chứng kiến. Larung đang im lìm ngủ, chẳng có tiếng động nào ngoài tiếng xe rì rì. Trời lạnh lắm, môi mình đã khô, da mặt bắt đầu bong ra, tí nữa đến khách sạn phải bôi dưỡng ẩm mới được. Xuống xe, sau khi check in bằng ID của thằng guide (vì khách sạn không cho người nước ngoài check in), mình tranh thủ mang chân máy lên mái nhà phơi sáng. Khi tua đi tua lại mấy tấm hình, mình mới thực sự tin rằng mình đã đến được Larung.

5:30 sáng hôm sau, lục đục thức dậy. Ra dấu cho thằng guide là mày cứ ngủ, tao đi chụp ảnh 1 mình. 9h tao quay lại rồi mình ăn sáng.
Larung lờ mờ trong sương sớm, tăng (monk) và ni (nun) ở đây không thích người khác chụp hình họ vì cũng như nhiều người Tạng khác, họ quan niệm khi chụp ảnh thì họ bị tổn thọ nên rất không thích. Mình phải dùng ống tele núp từ xa để bắn. Sáng sớm là lúc mọi người ra đường mua hoặc trao đổi thức ăn, vật dụng mà khắp nơi chở tới. Nhìn giống như một phiên chợ nhở ngay trung tâm Larung. Hầu hết ai cũng mua 2-3 chai sữa (được cho là sữa bò Yak) mang về dùng trong ngày. Xong cái bụng thì họ bắt đầu đi học đạo.

Larung đẹp nhất từ 6PM-8PM khi mặt trời xuống thấp nhất về phía Tây, và khi ráng chiều rực lên vàng vọt, những ánh đèn đầu tiên bắt đầu bật lên. Một tuyệt tác hoành tráng nhưng tác biệt với thế giới bên ngoài. Nói về sự hùng vĩ này, mình chẳng biết phải dùng từ gì cho phù hợp, thôi mọi người cứ xem hình và tự chọn cho mình một định nghĩa thích hợp nhất. Còn mình thì đã quá mỏi chân vì phải leo 3-4 ngọn đồi để chụp ảnh cả ngày ròng rã, giờ phải chợp mắt tí để mai còn đi xem THIÊN TÁNG nữa!

CHAPTER 2: SKY BURIAL
Cách đây mấy năm, mình có xem trên youtube một clip về cách mai táng lạ lùng được gọi là thiên táng (sky burial), một tập tục lạ lùng của người Tạng. Người chết sau khi được khâm liệm 2-3 ngày thì xác được mang lên đồi cao, một số nơi chỉ là khi đất trống, còn Larung thì người ta xây hẵn một chỗ riêng cho việc này, được tráng xi măng cho sạch sẻ. Lễ thường diễn ra từ giữa Ngọ, mình được thằng guide chở lên đồi, thấy mọi người đã tập trung sẵn ở chân đồi. Nhìn lên cao ở đỉnh đồi, bọn kềnh kềnh đậu kề nhau ủ rũ như những mụ phù thuỷ trầm mặc (do buồn ngủ chăng?!) Các mụ tựa vào nhau như để tránh rét, chẳng buồn nói năng. Nhưng khi có mùi xác chết (xác được đưa đến), các mụ tỉnh táo hẵn, ánh mắt sắc lẻm ngoắc lên, đôi cánh bắt đầu đập phần phật trên đầu đám người lố nhố để bay lại gần xác chết. Ai chơi drone thì chắc có thể cảm nhật được gió và tiếng máy quạt phần phật khi bọn kềnh kềnh bay ngang đầu mình. Lúc này, chúng đã “get line” rất ngay hàng thẳng lối như người ta đi mua fast-food vậy. Khi các nghi lễ đã xong, thầy cúng (mặt áo màu đỏ, vàng nổi bật) bắt đầu dùng 1 con dao để “chop the dead bodies into pieces” (đoạn này mình xin phép không dùng tiếng Việt). Muốn tìm hiểu sâu hơn nữa mời các bạn vui lòng google, đoạn này mình xin skip và cũng xin không post hình nào dính tới dead bodies trên đây. Cảm giác được chứng kiến, nghe và ngửi cái không khí lạnh tanh nơi đây nó khủng khiếp khó tả.

Đột nhiên, bầy kềnh kềnh xông vào ngấu nghiến những xác người trên sàn, đông đặc và chen lấn. Mười mấy phút sau, trên sàn chỉ còn trơ xương! Ngoài Larung, các nơi khác trên đất Tạng, người ta không muốn người lạ xem phong tục này vì những năm trước có vài clip về thiên táng được tung lên mạng phát sinh nhiều lời bàn táng không hay về tập tục này nên họ không muốn thế giới bên ngoài biết về tập tục này nữa.

CHAPTER 3: LHASA
Trong khi vẫn còn đang mơ màng về “thánh địa” Larung được cho là sắp bị chính quyền sở tại phá huỷ vì một số lý do nào đó (các bạn đọc chi tiết ở đây http://www.lionsroar.com/larung-gar-buddhist-monastery-fac…/) thì mình đã nằm trên chuyến tàu cao nhất thế giới nối từ Trung Quốc sang Lhasa (Tây Tạng). Hơn 43 tiếng, đoàn tàu đi qua nhiều thảo nguyên mênh mông là gió, là nắng. Rồi nó chui qua những rặng núi tuyết, xuyên qua những cánh đồng hoa cải vàng rực. Đêm đến lại được tắm trong ánh trăng 16 vằng vặc. Lúc này cả đám ngồi bu quanh cửa sổ thầm nghĩ “Đây là đêm trăng đẹp nhất trên đời!” Có ai coi Mad Max thì hình dung được 100% quang cảnh nơi đoàn tàu đi qua, toàn sa mạc, cát đỏ, núi đá đỏ xa xa, khô cằn nhưng quyến rũ chết người.

Đêm thứ 2 trên tàu, đoàn đã lên núi tuyết, đã lạnh lắm. Cố bắt 3G để nhắn cho T. vài câu là mình vẫn an toàn, rồi lịm đi vào giấc ngủ. Có vài người khó thở, cô nhân viên phải mở hệ thống oxy có sẵn trên tàu để hỗ trợ. Rồi một chị cạnh phòng không hiểu sao rớt từ trên giường xuống đất, mắt trợn trắng. Mọi người bật đèn bu lại áp ống khí oxy vào mũi, vài phút sau chị tỉnh lại. Cô em gái duy nhất trong đoàn cũng không thở được, phải đi tới đi lui một lúc rồi mệt quá nên chìm vào giấc ngủ không hay (may sao sáng hôm sau ai cũng tỉnh queo).

Lhasa được (bị) đô thị hoá ngoài mức tưởng tượng của mình. Mình đang mong đợi một làng mạc hoang sơ trên cao nguyên như ở Ladakh chứ không phải là thành phố hiện đại với đường cao tốc và các khu chung cư cao tầng (OMG!!!) Nên cả nhóm chỉ mong đến lúc lên xe đi tới những khu xa xa các đô thị này để về với thiên nhiên thôi. Quả thật hành trình đẹp nhất là trên đường đi, nhất là lúc đến hồ Namtso.

Người Tạng không được cấp passport để du lịch nước ngoài, đến 60 tuổi mới được ra khỏi biên giới quốc gia. Đường xá ở Tạng được xây dựng rất tốt, đô thị hoá rất rộng, wifi khắp nơi đến tận hồ Namtso cũng có. Người dân được đi học dễ dàng, và học tiếng Trung với tiếng Tạng (không có tiếng Anh). Tất cả đền đài, di tích được chính phủ quản lý, kinh doanh bán vé tham quan từ khách du lịch (vé khá chua, trung bình 100 tệ ~ 300k vào cổng). Để ra nước ngoài, người Tạng phải kết hôn với công dân nước khác để có quốc tịch thì mới được xuất ngoại. Nhiều người Tạng di cư sang Ấn Độ (vùng Ladakh hoặc xuống New Delhi để học tiếng Anh, họ đợi mùa đông khi các dòng sông đã đóng băng, họ bắt đầu di bộ băng dãy Himalaya có khi đến 24 ngày mới tới biên giới Ấn. Phong trào này bắt đầu từ khi Dalai Lama thứ 14 lưu vong sang Ấn Độ.

Chuyến đi để lại nhiều suy tư về phận người, về cái gọi là “tự do” và quan niệm thế nào là hạnh phúc mà mỗi người, mỗi dân tộc đang định nghĩa cho riêng mình.

#tambui #wanderlust #tibet #larunggar #lhasa #skyburial #hunter #huntermove #bitis

太正了, 上木斯塘, 我也很想去啊, 但門票要500美金...

上木斯塘（Upper Mustang），是尼泊尔境内最少健行客前往的地域。除了因为需要申请昂贵的准证，也因为这个地域非常荒凉，村落很少，设施也相对落后许多。这里也曾经很长一段时间与外界隔绝，2008年以前还是一个独立的王国，之后才成为尼泊尔的一个县。

在古代，木斯塘是喜马拉雅早期王国“洛域”（Lo）的所在地，藏语为“南方之地”的意思，不管是在语言或文化上，都和西藏是一脉相承的。自15世纪以来，这里大概是世界上藏族文化保存得最传统的地方。

木斯塘曾经是连接西藏的盐矿和印度次大陆地区城市最便捷的通道。当时的食盐可是世界上最珍贵的日用品之一，而在木斯塘的鼎盛时期，载着成包食盐的牦牛队或大篷车，就在这里的小径上崎岖前行。

如今健行客行走在这片地域，会有越走越孤寂的感觉，壮阔的荒山大地，放眼望去，尽是荒凉。每当翻越一个山口，伫立山头，环绕四周，总有苍凉之感，而见到了有绿田的村子，也就如在沙漠中遇见绿洲一样让人咱暂缓一口气。

相比尼泊尔其他经典健行路线，上木斯塘绝对是独特的，这片荒寂大地给予的冲击，在回到喧嚣城市之后，孤寂的回音依然在心里回荡，久久不散。

Up until 2008, Upper Mustang was an autonomy kingdom, when its monarch ceased ruling, it becomes part of Nepal’s Mustang District. Formerly known as the Kingdom of Lo, means “land in the south” in Tibetan language, Mustang is historically and culturally linked to Tibet, and steep in Buddhism tradition. Due to its remoteness, it has preserved perhaps the most authentic Tibetan culture to these days.

Upper Mustang sits on the ancient trans-Himalayan salt trade route between Tibet and India. Salt was a precious commodity in the old days, during the heydays of salt trade, yak caravans formed a beeline and passed through this high arid valley. The landscape here is mainly desert-like barren hills, due to limited rainfall, offering views of eroded canyons and colourful stratified rock formations. Despite the harsh environment, human settlements have sprung up along rivers and creeks over the centuries, as well as ancient cave-dwellings on the cliffs. Today, villages with whitewashed houses and cultivated fields appear like oasis in high-elevation desert.

Trekking in this remote region, journeying through its barren and lonesome landscapes, one would feel immense helplessness and loneliness, even after returning to the bustling city of Nepal, a sense of solitude continue to echo from the mountains.

這是前些日子爆出已經被加拿大法院接理對藏傳佛教噶舉派法王的訟訴。（加拿大法院鏈接在此：https://www.bccourts.ca/jdb-txt/sc/21/09/2021BCSC0939cor1.htm?fbclid=IwAR2FLZlzmUIGTBaTuKPVchEqqngcE3Qy6G_C0TWNWVKa2ksbIYkVJVMQ8f8）

這位法王的桃色事件，我是幾年前才聽到。但，藏傳佛教的高層有這些性醜聞，我已經聽了幾十年。我以前的一位前女友也被一些堪布藉故上她的家摟抱過，也有一些活佛跟她表白。（這不只是她，其他地方我也聽過不少）

這是一個藏傳佛教裡面系統式的問題。

很多時候發生這種事情，信徒和教主往往都是說女方得不到寵而報仇，或者說她們也精神病，或者說她們撒謊。

我不排除有這種可能性，但，多過一位，甚至多位出來指證的時候，我是傾向於相信『沒有那麼巧這麼多有精神病的女人要撒謊來報仇』。

大寶法王的桃色事件，最先吹哨的是一位台灣的在家信徒，第二位是香港的女出家人，現在加拿大又多一位公開舉報上法庭。

對大寶法王信徒來說，這一次的比較麻煩，因為是有孩子的。（關於有孩子的，我早在法王的桃色事件曝光時，就有聽聞）

如果法庭勒令要驗證DNA，這對法王和他的信徒來說，會很尷尬和矛盾，因為做或不做，都死。

你若問我，我覺得『人數是有力量的』，同時我也覺得之後有更多的人站出來，是不出奇的。

我也藉此呼籲各方佛教徒，如果你們真的愛佛教，先別說批判，但如鴕鳥般不討論這些爭議，你是間接害了佛教。

（下面是我從加拿大法院鏈接拷貝下來的內容，當中有很多細節。）

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

BACKGROUND

ANALYSIS

A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?

F. Delay / Prejudice

CONCLUSION



INTRODUCTION
[1] The claimant applies to amend her notice of family claim to seek spousal support. At issue is whether the claimant’s allegations give rise to a reasonable claim she lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship, so as to give rise to a potential entitlement to spousal support under the Family Law Act, S.B.C. 2011, c. 25 (“FLA”).

[2] The facts alleged by the claimant do not fit within a traditional concept of marriage. The claimant does not allege that she and the respondent ever lived together. Indeed, she has only met the respondent in person four times: twice very briefly in a public setting; a third time in private, when she alleges the respondent sexually assaulted her; and a fourth and final occasion, when she informed the respondent she was pregnant with his child.

[3] The claimant’s case is that what began as a non-consensual sexual encounter evolved into a loving and affectionate relationship. That relationship occurred almost entirely over private text messages. The parties rarely spoke on the telephone, and never saw one another during the relationship, even over video. The claimant says they could not be together because the respondent is forbidden by his station and religious beliefs from intimate relationships or marriage. Nonetheless, she alleges, they formed a marriage-like relationship that lasted from January 2018 to January 2019.

[4] The respondent denies any romantic relationship with the claimant. While he acknowledges providing emotional and financial support to the claimant, he says it was for the benefit of the child the claimant told him was his daughter.

[5] The claimant’s proposed amendment raises a novel question: can a secret relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world be like a marriage? In my view, that question should be answered by a trial judge after hearing all of the evidence. The alleged facts give rise to a reasonable claim the claimant lived with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship. Accordingly, I grant the claimant leave to amend her notice of family claim.

BACKGROUND
[6] It should be emphasized that this is an application to amend pleadings only. The allegations by the claimant are presumed to be true for the purposes of this application. Those allegations have not been tested in a court of law.

[7] The respondent, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, is a high lama of the Karma Kagyu School of Tibetan Buddhism. He has been recognized and enthroned as His Holiness, the 17th Gyalwang Karmapa. Without meaning any disrespect, I will refer to him as Mr. Dorje in these reasons for judgment.

[8] Mr. Dorje leads a monastic and nomadic lifestyle. His true home is Tibet, but he currently resides in India. He receives followers from around the world at the Gyuto Monetary in India. He also travels the world teaching Tibetan Buddhist Dharma and hosting pujas, ceremonies at which Buddhists express their gratitude and devotion to the Buddha.

[9] The claimant, Vikki Hui Xin Han, is a former nun of Tibetan Buddhism. Ms. Han first encountered Mr. Dorje briefly at a large puja in 2014. The experience of the puja convinced Ms. Han she wanted to become a Buddhist nun. She met briefly with Mr. Dorje, in accordance with Kagyu traditions, to obtain his approval to become a nun.

[10] In October 2016, Ms. Han began a three-year, three-month meditation retreat at a monastery in New York State. Her objective was to learn the practices and teachings of the Kagyu Lineage. Mr. Dorje was present at the retreat twice during the time Ms. Han was at the monastery.

[11] Ms. Han alleges that on October 14, 2017, Mr. Dorje sexually assaulted her in her room at the monastery. She alleges that she became pregnant from the assault.

[12] After she learned that she was pregnant, Ms. Han requested a private audience with Mr. Dorje. In November 2017, in the presence of his bodyguards, Ms. Han informed Mr. Dorje she was pregnant with his child. Mr. Dorje initially denied responsibility; however, he provided Ms. Han with his email address and a cellphone number, and, according to Ms. Han, said he would “prepare some money” for her.

[13] Ms. Han abandoned her plan to become a nun, left the retreat and returned to Canada. She never saw Mr. Dorje again.

[14] After Ms. Han returned to Canada, she and Mr. Dorje began a regular communication over an instant messaging app called Line. They also exchanged emails and occasionally spoke on the telephone.

[15] The parties appear to have expressed care and affection for one another in these communications. I say “appear to” because it is difficult to fully understand the meaning and intentions of another person from brief text messages, especially those originally written in a different language. The parties wrote in a private shorthand, sharing jokes, emojis, cartoon portraits and “hugs” or “kisses”. Ms. Han was the more expressive of the two, writing more frequently and in longer messages. Mr. Dorje generally participated in response to questions or prompting from Ms. Han, sometimes in single word messages.

[16] Ms. Han deposes that she believed Mr. Dorje was in love with her and that, by January 2018, she and Mr. Dorje were living in a “conjugal relationship”.

[17] During their communications, Ms. Han expressed concern that her child would be “illegitimate”. She appears to have asked Mr. Dorje to marry her, and he appears to have responded that he was “not ready”.

[18] Throughout 2018, Mr. Dorje transferred funds in various denominations to Ms. Han through various third parties. Ms. Han deposes that these funds were:

a) $50,000 CDN to deliver the child and for postpartum care she was to receive at a facility in Seattle;

b) $300,000 CDN for the first year of the child’s life;

c) $20,000 USD for a wedding ring, because Ms. Han wrote “Even if we cannot get married, you must buy me a wedding ring”;

d) $400,000 USD to purchase a home for the mother and child.

[19] On June 19, 2018, Ms. Han gave birth to a daughter in Richmond, B.C.

[20] On September 17, 2018, Mr. Dorje wrote, ”Taking care of her and you are my duty for life”.

[21] Ms. Han’s expectation was that the parties would live together in the future. She says they planned to live together. Those plans evolved over time. Initially they involved purchasing a property in Toronto, so that Mr. Dorje could visit when he was in New York. They also discussed purchasing property in Calgary or renting a home in Vancouver for that purpose. Ms. Han eventually purchased a condominium in Richmond using funds provided by Mr. Dorje.

[22] Ms. Han deposes that the parties made plans for Mr. Dorje to visit her and meet the child in Richmond. In October 2018, however, Mr. Dorje wrote that he needed to “disappear” to Europe. He wrote:

I will definitely find a way to meet her

And you

Remember to take care of yourself if something happens

[23] The final plan the parties discussed, according to Ms. Han, was that Mr. Dorje would sponsor Ms. Han and the child to immigrate to the United States and live at the Kagyu retreat centre in New York State.

[24] In January 2019, Ms. Han lost contact with Mr. Dorje.

[25] Ms. Han commenced this family law case on July 17, 2019, seeking child support, a declaration of parentage and a parentage test. She did not seek spousal support.

[26] Ms. Han first proposed a claim for spousal support in October 2020 after a change in her counsel. Following an exchange of correspondence concerning an application for leave to amend the notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s counsel wrote that Ms. Han would not be advancing a spousal support claim. On March 16, 2020, counsel reversed course, and advised that Ms. Han had instructed him to proceed with the application.

[27] When this application came on before me, the trial was set to commence on June 7, 2021. The parties were still in the process of discoveries and obtaining translations for hundreds of pages of documents in Chinese characters.

[28] At a trial management conference on May 6, 2021, noting the parties were not ready to proceed, Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to April 11, 2022.

ANALYSIS
A. The Spousal Support Claim in this Case
[29] To claim spousal support in this case, Ms. Han must plead that she lived with Mr. Dorje in a marriage-like relationship. This is because only “spouses” are entitled to spousal support, and s. 3 of the Family Law Act defines a spouse as a person who is married or has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship:

3 (1) A person is a spouse for the purposes of this Act if the person

(a) is married to another person, or

(b) has lived with another person in a marriage-like relationship, and

(i) has done so for a continuous period of at least 2 years, or

(ii) except in Parts 5 [Property Division] and 6 [Pension Division], has a child with the other person.

[30] Because she alleges she has a child with Mr. Dorje, Ms. Han need not allege that the relationship endured for a continuous period of two years to claim spousal support; but she must allege that she lived in a marriage-like relationship with him at some point in time. Accordingly, she must amend the notice of family claim.

B. The Test to Amend Pleadings
[31] Given that the notice of trial has been served, Ms. Han requires leave of the court to amend the notice of family claim: Supreme Court Family Rule 8-1(1)(b)(i).

[32] A person seeking to amend a notice of family claim must show that there is a reasonable cause of action. This is a low threshold. What the applicant needs to establish is that, if the facts pleaded are proven at trial, they would support a reasonable claim. The applicant’s allegations of fact are assumed to be true for the purposes of this analysis. Cantelon v. Wall, 2015 BCSC 813, at para. 7-8.

[33] The applicant’s delay, the reasons for the delay, and the prejudice to the responding party are also relevant factors. The ultimate consideration is whether it would be just and convenient to allow the amendment. Cantelon, at para. 6, citing Teal Cedar Products Ltd. v. Dale Intermediaries Ltd. et al (1986), 19 B.C.L.R. (3d) 282.

C. Pleadings in Family Law Cases
[34] Supreme Court Family Rules 3-1(1) and 4-1(1) require that a claim to spousal support be pleaded in a notice of family claim in Form F3. Section 2 of Form F3, “Spousal relationship history”, requires a spousal support claimant to check the boxes that apply to them, according to whether they are or have been married or are or have been in a marriage-like relationship. Where a claimant alleges a marriage-like relationship, Form F3 requires that they provide the date on which they began to live together with the respondent in a marriage-like relationship and, where applicable, the date on which they separated. Form F3 does not require a statement of the factual basis for the claim of spousal support.

[35] In this case, Ms. Han seeks to amend the notice of family claim to allege that she and Mr. Dorje began to live in a marriage-like relationship in or around January 2018, and separated in or around January 2019.

[36] An allegation that a person lived with a claimant in a marriage-like relationship is a conclusion of law, not an allegation of fact. Unlike the rules governing pleadings in civil actions, however, the Supreme Court Family Rules do not expressly require family law claimants to plead the material facts in support of conclusions of law.

[37] In other words, there is no express requirement in the Supreme Court Family Rules that Ms. Han plead the facts on which she relies for the allegation she and Mr. Dorje lived in a marriage-like relationship.

[38] Rule 4-6 authorizes a party to demand particulars, and then apply to the court for an order for further and better particulars, of a matter stated in a pleading. However, unless and until she is granted leave and files the proposed amended notice of family claim, Ms. Han’s allegation of a marriage-like relationship is not a matter stated in a pleading.

[39] Ms. Han filed an affidavit in support of her application to amend the notice of family claim. Normally, evidence would not be required or admissible on an application to amend a pleading. However, in the unusual circumstances of this case, the parties agreed I may look to Ms. Han’s affidavit and exhibits for the facts she pleads in support of the allegation of a marriage-like relationship.

[40] Because this is an application to amend - and Ms. Han’s allegations of fact are presumed to be true - I have not considered Mr. Dorje’s responding affidavit.

[41] Relying on affidavit evidence for an application to amend pleadings is less than ideal. It tends to merge and confuse the material facts with the evidence that would be relied on to prove those facts. In a number of places in her affidavit, for example, Ms. Han describes her feelings, impressions and understandings. A person’s hopes and intentions are not normally material facts unless they are mutual or reasonably held. The facts on which Ms. Han alleges she and Mr. Dorje formed a marriage-like relationship are more important for the present purposes than her belief they entered into a conjugal union.

[42] Somewhat unusually, in this case, almost all of the parties’ relevant communications were in writing. This makes it somewhat easier to separate the facts from the evidence; however, as stated above, it is difficult to understand the intentions and actions of a person from brief text messages.

[43] In my view, it would be a good practice for applicants who seek to amend their pleadings in family law cases to provide opposing counsel and the court with a schedule of the material facts on which they rely for the proposed amendment.

D. The Legal Concept of a Marriage-Like Relationship
[44] As Mr. Justice Myers observed in Mother 1 v. Solus Trust Company, 2019 BCSC 200, the concept of a marriage-like relationship is elastic and difficult to define. This elasticity is illustrated by the following passage from Yakiwchuk v. Oaks, 2003 SKQB 124, quoted by Myers J. at para. 133 of Mother 1:

[10] Spousal relationships are many and varied. Individuals in spousal relationships, whether they are married or not, structure their relationships differently. In some relationships there is a complete blending of finances and property - in others, spouses keep their property and finances totally separate and in still others one spouse may totally control those aspects of the relationship with the other spouse having little or no knowledge or input. For some couples, sexual relations are very important - for others, that aspect may take a back seat to companionship. Some spouses do not share the same bed. There may be a variety of reasons for this such as health or personal choice. Some people are affectionate and demonstrative. They show their feelings for their “spouse” by holding hands, touching and kissing in public. Other individuals are not demonstrative and do not engage in public displays of affection. Some “spouses” do everything together - others do nothing together. Some “spouses” vacation together and some spend their holidays apart. Some “spouses” have children - others do not. It is this variation in the way human beings structure their relationships that make the determination of when a “spousal relationship” exists difficult to determine. With married couples, the relationship is easy to establish. The marriage ceremony is a public declaration of their commitment and intent. Relationships outside marriage are much more difficult to ascertain. Rarely is there any type of “public” declaration of intent. Often people begin cohabiting with little forethought or planning. Their motivation is often nothing more than wanting to “be together”. Some individuals have chosen to enter relationships outside marriage because they did not want the legal obligations imposed by that status. Some individuals have simply given no thought as to how their relationship would operate. Often the date when the cohabitation actually began is blurred because people “ease into” situations, spending more and more time together. Agreements between people verifying when their relationship began and how it will operate often do not exist.

[45] In Mother 1, Mr. Justice Myers referred to a list of 22 factors grouped into seven categories, from Maldowich v. Penttinen, (1980), 17 R.F.L. (2d) 376 (Ont. Dist. Ct.), that have frequently been cited in this and other courts for the purpose of determining whether a relationship was marriage-like, at para. 134 of Mother 1:

1. Shelter:

(a) Did the parties live under the same roof?

(b) What were the sleeping arrangements?

(c) Did anyone else occupy or share the available accommodation?

2. Sexual and Personal Behaviour:

(a) Did the parties have sexual relations? If not, why not?

(b) Did they maintain an attitude of fidelity to each other?

(c) What were their feelings toward each other?

(d) Did they communicate on a personal level?

(e) Did they eat their meals together?

(f) What, if anything, did they do to assist each other with problems or during illness?

(g) Did they buy gifts for each other on special occasions?

3. Services:

What was the conduct and habit of the parties in relation to:

(a) preparation of meals;

(b) washing and mending clothes;

(c) shopping;

(d) household maintenance; and

(e) any other domestic services?

4. Social:

(a) Did they participate together or separately in neighbourhood and community activities?

(b) What was the relationship and conduct of each of them toward members of their respective families and how did such families behave towards the parties?

5. Societal:

What was the attitude and conduct of the community toward each of them and as a couple?

6. Support (economic):

(a) What were the financial arrangements between the parties regarding the provision of or contribution toward the necessaries of life (food, clothing, shelter, recreation, etc.)?

(b) What were the arrangements concerning the acquisition and ownership of property?

(c) Was there any special financial arrangement between them which both agreed would be determinant of their overall relationship?

7. Children:

What was the attitude and conduct of the parties concerning children?

[46] In Austin v. Goerz, 2007 BCCA 586, the Court of Appeal cautioned against a “checklist approach”; rather, a court should "holistically" examine all the relevant factors. Cases like Molodowich provide helpful indicators of the sorts of behaviour that society associates with a marital relationship, the Court of Appeal said; however, “the presence or absence of any particular factor cannot be determinative of whether a relationship is marriage-like” (para. 58).

[47] In Weber v. Leclerc, 2015 BCCA 492, the Court of Appeal again affirmed that there is no checklist of characteristics that will be found in all marriages and then concluded with respect to evidence of intentions:

[23] The parties’ intentions – particularly the expectation that the relationship will be of lengthy, indeterminate duration – may be of importance in determining whether a relationship is “marriage-like”. While the court will consider the evidence expressly describing the parties’ intentions during the relationship, it will also test that evidence by considering whether the objective evidence is consonant with those intentions.

[24] The question of whether a relationship is “marriage-like” will also typically depend on more than just their intentions. Objective evidence of the parties’ lifestyle and interactions will also provide direct guidance on the question of whether the relationship was “marriage-like”.

[48] Significantly for this case, the courts have looked to mutual intent in order to find a marriage-like relationship. See, for example, L.E. v. D.J., 2011 BCSC 671 and Buell v. Unger, 2011 BCSC 35; Davey Estate v. Gruyaert, 2005 CarswellBC 3456 at 13 and 35.

[49] In Mother 1, Myers J. concluded his analysis of the law with the following learned comment:

[143] Having canvassed the law relating to the nature of a marriage-like relationship, I will digress to point out the problematic nature of the concept. It may be apparent from the above that determining whether a marriage-like relationship exists sometimes seems like sand running through one's fingers. Simply put, a marriage-like relationship is akin to a marriage without the formality of a marriage. But as the cases mentioned above have noted, people treat their marriages differently and have different conceptions of what marriage entails.

[50] In short, the determination of whether the parties in this case lived in a marriage-like relationship is a fact-specific inquiry that a trial judge would need to make on a “holistic” basis, having regard to all of the evidence. While the trial judge may consider the various factors listed in the authorities, those factors would not be treated as a checklist and no single factor or category of factors would be treated as being decisive.

E. Is There a Reasonable Claim of a Marriage-Like Relationship?
[51] In this case, many of the Molodowich factors are missing:

a) The parties never lived under the same roof. They never slept together. They were never in the same place at the same time during the relationship. The last time they saw each other in person was in November 2017, before the relationship began.

b) The parties never had consensual sex. They did not hug, kiss or hold hands. With the exception of the alleged sexual assault, they never touched one another physically.

c) The parties expressed care and affection for one another, but they rarely shared personal information or interest in their lives outside of their direct topic of communication. They did not write about their families, their friends, their religious beliefs or their work.

d) They expressed concern and support for one another when the other felt unwell or experienced health issues, but they did not provide any care or assistance during illness or other problems.

e) They did not assist one another with domestic chores.

f) They did not share their relationship with their peers or their community. There is no allegation, for example, that Mr. Dorje told his fellow monks or any of his followers about the relationship. There is no allegation that Ms. Han told her friends or any co-workers. Indeed, there is no allegation that anyone, with the exception of Ms. Han’s mother, knew about the relationship. Although Mr. Dorje gave Ms. Han’s mother a gift, he never met the mother and he never spoke to her.

g) They did not intend to have a child together. The child was conceived as a result of a sexual assault. While Mr. Dorje expressed interest in “meeting” the child, he never followed up. He currently has no relationship with the child. There is no allegation he has sought access or parenting arrangements.

[52] The only Molodowich factor of any real relevance in this case is economic support. Mr. Dorje provided the funds with which Ms. Han purchased a condominium. Mr. Dorje initially wrote that he wanted to buy a property with the money, but, he wrote, “It’s the same thing if you buy [it]”.

[53] Mr. Dorje also provided a significant amount of money for Ms. Han’s postpartum care and the child’s first year of life.

[54] This financial support may have been primarily for the benefit of the child. Even the condominium, Ms. Han wrote, was primarily for the benefit of the child.

[55] However, in my view, a trial judge may attach a broader significance to the financial support from Mr. Dorje than child support alone. A trial judge may find that the money Mr. Dorje provided to Ms. Han at her request was an expression of his commitment to her in circumstances in which he could not commit physically. The money and the gifts may be seen by the trial judge to have been a form of down payment by Mr. Dorje on a promise of continued emotional and financial support for Ms. Han, or, in Mr. Dorje’s own words, “Taking care of her and you are my duty for life” (emphasis added).

[56] On the other hand, I find it difficult to attach any particular significance to the fact that Mr. Dorje agreed to provide funds for Ms. Han to purchase a wedding ring. It appears to me that Ms. Han demanded that Mr. Dorje buy her a wedding ring, not that the ring had any mutual meaning to the parties as a marriage symbol. But it is relevant, in my view, that Mr. Dorje provided $20,000 USD to Ms. Han for something she wanted that was of no benefit to the child.

[57] Further, Ms. Han alleges that the parties intended to live together. At a minimum, a trial judge may find that the discussions about where Ms. Han and the child would live reflected a mutual intention of the parties to see one another and spend time together when they could.

[58] Mr. Dorje argues that an intention to live together at some point in the future is not sufficient to show that an existing relationship was marriage-like. He argues that the question of whether the relationship was marriage-like requires more than just intentions, citing Weber, supra.

[59] In my view, the documentary evidence referred to above provides some objective evidence in this case that the parties progressed beyond mere intentions. As stated, the parties appear to have expressed genuine care and affection for one another. They appear to have discussed marriage, trust, honesty, finances, mutual obligations and acquiring family property. These are not matters one would expect Mr. Dorje to discuss with a friend or a follower, or even with the mother of his child, without a marriage-like element of the relationship.

[60] A trial judge may find on the facts alleged by Ms. Han that the parties loved one another and would have lived together, but were unable to do so because of Mr. Dorje’s religious duties and nomadic lifestyle.

[61] The question I raised in the introduction to these reasons is whether a relationship that began on-line and never moved into the physical world can be marriage-like.

[62] Notably, the definition of a spouse in the Family Law Act does not require that the parties live together, only that they live with another person in a marriage-like relationship.

[63] In Connor Estate, 2017 BCSC 978, Mr. Justice Kent found that a couple that maintained two entirely separate households and never lived under the same roof formed a marriage-like relationship. (Connor Estate was decided under the intestacy provisions of the Wills, Estates and Succession Act, S.B.C. 2009, c. 13 ("WESA"), but courts have relied on cases decided under WESA and the FLA interchangeably for their definitions of a spouse.) Mr. Justice Kent found:

[50] The evidence is overwhelming and I find as a fact that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved and cared deeply about each other, and that they had a loving and intimate relationship for over 20 years that was far more than mere friendship or even so-called "friendship with benefits". I accept Mr. Chambers' evidence that he would have liked to share a home with Ms. Connor after the separation from his wife, but was unable to do so because of Ms. Connor's hoarding illness. The evidence amply supports, and I find as a fact, that Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor loved each other, were faithful to each other, communicated with each other almost every day when they were not together, considered themselves to be (and presented themselves to be) "husband and wife" and were accepted by all who knew them as a couple.

[64] Connor Estate may be distinguishable from this case because Mr. Chambers and Ms. Connor were physically intimate for over 20 years, and presented themselves to the world as a married couple.

[65] Other decisions in which a marriage-like relationship has been found to exist despite the parties not living together have involved circumstances in which the couple lived under the same roof at previous points in the relationship, and the issue was whether they continued to be spouses after they took up separate residences: in Thompson v. Floyd, 2001 BCCA 78, the parties had lived together for a period of at least 11 years; in Roach v. Dutra, 2010 BCCA 264, the parties had lived together for approximately three years.

[66] However, as Mr. Justice Kent noted in Connor Estate:

[48] … [W]hile much guidance might be found in this case law, the simple fact is that no two cases are identical (and indeed they usually vary widely) and it is the assessment of evidence as a whole in this particular case which matters.

[67] Mr. Justice Kent concluded:

[53] Like human beings themselves, marriage-like relationships can come in many and various shapes. In this particular case, I have no doubt that such a relationship existed …

[68] As stated, Ms. Han’s claim is novel. It may even be weak. Almost all of the traditional factors are missing. The fact that Ms. Han and Mr. Dorje never lived under the same roof, never shared a bed and never even spent time together in person will militate against a finding they lived with one another in a marriage-like relationship. However, the traditional factors are not a mandatory check-list that confines the “elastic” concept of a marriage-like relationship. And if the COVID pandemic has taught us nothing else, it is that real relationships can form, blossom and end in virtual worlds.

[69] In my view, the merits of Ms. Han’s claim should be decided on the evidence. Subject to an overriding prejudice to Mr. Dorje, she should have leave to amend the notice of family claim. However, she should also provide meaningful particulars of the alleged marriage-like relationship.

F. Delay / Prejudice
[70] Ms. Han filed her notice of family claim on July 17, 2019. She brought this application to amend approximately one year and nine months after she filed the pleading, just over two months before the original trial date.

[71] Ms. Han’s delay was made all that more remarkable by her change in position from January 19, 2021, when she confirmed, through counsel, that she was not seeking spousal support in this case.

[72] Ms. Han gave notice of her intention to proceed with this application to Mr. Dorje on March 16, 2021. By the time the application was heard, the parties had conducted examinations for discovery without covering the issues that would arise from a claim of spousal support.

[73] Also, in April, Ms. Han produced additional documents, primarily text messages, that may be relevant to her claim of spousal support, but were undecipherable to counsel for Mr. Dorje, who does not read Mandarin.

[74] This application proceeded largely on documents selected and translated by counsel for Ms. Han. I was informed that Mandarin translations of the full materials would take 150 days.

[75] Understandably in the circumstances, Mr. Dorje argued that an amendment two months before trial would be neither just nor convenient. He argued that he would be prejudiced by an adjournment so as to allow Ms. Han to advance a late claim of spousal support.

[76] The circumstances changed on May 6, 2021, when Madam Justice Walkem adjourned the trial to July 2022 and reset it for 25 days. Madam Justice Walkem noted that most of the witnesses live internationally and require translators. She also noted that paternity may be in issue, and Mr. Dorje may amend his pleadings to raise that issue. It seems clear that, altogether apart from the potential spousal support claim, the parties were not ready to proceed to trial on June 7, 2021.

[77] In my view, any remaining prejudice to Mr. Dorje is outweighed by the importance of having all of the issues between the parties decided on their merits.

[78] Ms. Han’s delay and changes of position on spousal support may be a matter to de addressed in a future order of costs; but they are not grounds on which to deny her leave to amend the notice of family claim.

CONCLUSION
[79] Ms. Han is granted leave to amend her notice of family claim in the form attached as Appendix A to the notice of application to include a claim for spousal support.

[80] Within 21 days, or such other deadline as the parties may agree, Ms. Han must provide particulars of the marriage-like relationship alleged in the amended notice of family claim.

[81] Ms. Han is entitled to costs of this application in the cause of the spousal support claim.

“Master Elwood”