Y-sandal and my race
I have a cousin who becomes a single mom after her divorce. Her ex-husband, who is a motorcycle taxi driver, does not have money to pay for child support. Her income is barely enough for her to scape by. One day, she called me to ask whether she should borrow 2000 USD to fix the ugly stretch marks on her belly after childbirth.
Prior to her call, I have always thought she looks fine, petite and cute. Who would have known what is underneath the clothes of a single mom?
She explained that she would like to remove the excess belly skin to feel confident when she puts on a bikini. This will help her find a good husband. Otherwise, it would scare away any guys who see her belly the way it is.
She never took her top off and I was terrified upon hearing that. I asked:
- How often do you go to the beach each year?
- Once per year
- So between now and when you are 35, when you are still confident wearing a bikini, do you think that you’ll go to the beach 5 or 6 times?
- But I will get married again and don’t see myself staying single forever. With this belly, I am too shy to meet new people.
I gave birth to three children and was lucky enough that I didn’t get any stretch mark, perhaps that’s why I can’t see her issue. However, I know what she wants.
- Let me ask you something, when you got married before, did you have a stretched skin?
- No
- Then why did you still marry a bastard? The issue is that you have realised that even beauty, youth, virginity, love and the bravery in your 20’s still couldn’t bring you a good man. And you have yet to learn from that?
- ??? (she was confused but still didn’t understand the issue).
- When you take your beautiful flat tummy to bet, he still left you, abused you, cheated on you, talked about you behind your back and turned his back against you. Now you are making the same mistake again. You value six days on the beach and is willing to compromise other important qualities in life such as your financial hardship. It will take you four years to re-pay the $2,000 debt. You could use that money for your child’s education, food or even for you. And yet you want to compromise it in order to please an unknown man, then I guarantee that you will just encourage the selfishness and ignorance of your future partner. You will lose more than gain anything.
A man who gives him the right to ask you what you can’t have is a selfish man. Why do you feel the need to be beautiful for him?
An understanding man will accept you. A man who is taught not to insult women will not leave you because of one such minor thing. Because he loves you, not your flat tummy.
I hope you will find a good man, or an understanding man.
Ask him to go for a swim, so that he can see your belly before he says that he loves you. If he changes his mind, you are not wasting your time. And if he understands you and loves you, that is also because of your frankness.
Long time ago, I read an Australian book, the male character was shocked to find out, upon undressing the female character, that she didn’t have a breast and was as flat as a man. After the initial shock, he laughed and kissed the woman “ Only cows are crazy about breast. As for me, I need you, a woman I love, not a cow!”.
And I assure you, there are many good men out there. Only you can give him opportunities to show his good qualities.
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