financial projection的八卦，PINTEREST和Yahoo名人娛樂都在討論

是中大人就知道，新亞學生飯堂早幾個月結束營業，最近飯堂已經搵到新的餐飲企業接手。

一個月前，中間人跟我說他們缺乏資金，問我有冇興趣。我說：「數十萬我還是掏得出來，只要是幫中大，我不介意。」中間人見我爽快，馬上安排了見面。餐廳營運人很快地跟我做了一次簡報，簡報中那些financial projection都不重要，我投資也是為了情意結，不是為了回報。後來我跟整個班底也見過一次面，大家交流得很好。

突發事情來了。早幾日，我跟一些中大同學搜集了一些餐廳意見，正當我想跟餐廳營運人交流時，他卻告訴我，他們班底最後覺得我政治立場偏黃，所以拒絕了我的投資。我當然很失望，因為大家浪費了時間，以後這間餐廳做黃店又好藍店又好紅店都好中立又好，都不關我事，但願他們生意興隆。

故事說完了，我想說的是，世事有時就是這麼複雜。我冇用顏色眼鏡去睇呢一班潛在合作夥伴，但佢哋有用顏色眼鏡去睇我。有啲嘢，真係唔到我控制。

其實，我真正想說的是試當真的游學修。

之前他敢於對抗蕭生，立志為本地影視文化出力，非常難得。我私下也跟作家葉朗程說，他是我認為很有氣魄的人。我同佢唔熟，淨係食過一次飯，條仆街仲要遲大到。最近，佢跌入左要表態政治事件呢個煩惱當中。

就算你冇用顏色眼鏡去睇人，人哋還是會用顏色眼鏡去檢視你。利申，我有表態，發了一個IG Story、轉載「一點燭光」YouTube和轉載吳鎮宇某一句叫政府認錯的電影對白。但係，我冇迫身邊朋友做任何表達。

2020年，香港立了一條新法，大家都知咩料。新法最巧妙的地方，就是它沒有講清楚有什麼樣的行為才是犯法，即使你問行政會議成員或者政府高官，他們也說不出一個所以然，結果大家都自我畫界。有些人的界線比較前一點，有些比較後一點。

2020年之前，你當然享受相對好一點的言論自由，或者好像黃霑所講嘅，不言論的自由。不過2020年，當你要人表態時，某程度上你都係叫人承擔緊若干的法律風險。理性上大家都知道有呢個改變，但係我哋嘅說話、意識和行為有時會忘記咗。因為大家都唔知個界線係點樣，所以2021年的今天，當你道德上叫人做某啲嘢，你都係叫人承擔緊若干法律風險，只係爭左個風險大定細

從來我都覺得個體系有選擇嘅自由，有些人覺得要衝，我不會阻止，因為我不是他的什麼人，他自己也有選擇的自由，如同哲學家沙特所說。如果佢有足夠嘅覺悟，實在冇必要阻止佢做任何選擇。但調返轉，我們也不應道德勒索其他人一定要衝，或去做某一啲有機會令自己粉身碎骨發表和行動。例如你叫人打疫苗，假如出事了，你就有道德責任，你只能叫佢諗清楚，善用自己選擇嘅自由去做決定。

現在的社會狀態唔同，現在的游學修都唔同。佢唔再係一個年輕，冇包袱嘅人。而家佢有一間好成熟好成功嘅公司，佢係一個領袖，領袖要考慮嘅嘢自然有所不同，佢可以容許他的同事做某啲嘢，但他本人的角色身份已經不再代表自己，而係有更加多嘅涵意。也許我都有自己嘅工作團隊，係呢一啲決策層面，我會多幾分體諒。喺最緊張嘅時候，我都會容許公司同事罷工，做自己想做嘅嘢，但係我自己都會幫自己畫界，有啲嘢我唔做得......雖然，我都算多口

有天團想成為亞洲第一，阿修都想幫本土電影打開一個缺口，這班年輕朋友都有呢啲宏大目標，為香港爭光。既然係咁，那就不必拘泥太多，雖前萬人，吾往矣。你們的作品會說話，會有人懂得你們

討論區和社交媒體係兩個世界。社交媒體好多人都覺得唔好鬥黃，偏向支持阿修。我不排除討論區有很多莫名其妙的操作，我也是身陷其中。我經常被抹黑跟一些已經被疏離了的人，甚至完全唔認識嘅人有關係，有些公司企業明明只有簡單合作關係，都屈晒落我度。當然，亦都冇人會提我做過啲乜嘢嘢。不過咁係唔重要，路遙知馬力，還是那句，作品會說話。

三個月前，我沒有忘記試當真另一位創辦人許賢到庭支持831被控暴動那位年青人的判決。許賢沒有波瀾壯闊的口號表態，只是默默地用鏡頭記錄，表達對同路人的支持。變態複雜嘅吃人社會下，冇人可以救到個世界，只能夠默默做好自己，或者盡量幫到身邊嘅人，能夠做幾多，就做幾多。窮則獨善其身，達則兼善天下。

30歲人都係咁，還是衝出黎柒，自告奮勇，等自己中多幾箭，不過見大家都係後生仔，我都唔想同代人衰，難得佢哋跑出，唔想佢哋一鋪俾人打落萬丈深淵。何況明哲保身、面面俱圓的做人，實在太鄉愿太無趣

心很累，大家共勉

打完幾千字，心諗唔貼返個廣告就笨柒。補返先

【Kikitrade 創辦人 Allen Ng X Kikitrade 香港區負責人 Sky Lai X 渾水 | 尋找下一隻爆升非主流幣】

說到加密貨幣的時候，大部分人都只會想起比特幣、以太幣，還有最近引起大眾討論的狗狗幣和柴犬幣。但對於其他非主流加密貨幣，大家的認識又有多深呢？難道只有投資比特幣和以太幣才是順應潮流，投資其他的加密貨幣就只能「靠彩數」？

其實每種「爆升」的非主流加密貨幣都有其自身優勢，不是單靠「好彩」才能升值。只要做好準備功夫，投資非主流幣種就不必靠運氣回本。投資者應該在投資前仔細分析非主流幣和主流幣的異同，以及深入研究非主流幣的技術和應用，才能全面地了解各種非主流加密貨幣的價值和發展潛力。

如果你只是投資新手，不知道要如何選擇一個合適的「研究對象」，那就不能錯過Allen Ng、Sky Lai及渾水聯合主持的網上講座，他們將會帶領大家，一起尋找下一隻會「爆升」的非主流加密貨幣，亦會即場解答觀眾疑問，幫助你成為一個真正的加密貨幣專業投資者！

1. 非主流幣和主流幣之異同
2. 非主流幣之應用、技術和分析
3. 2021年最具潛力的非主流幣

如何投資非主流幣種，【Kikitrade 創辦人 Allen Ng X Kikitrade 香港區負責人 Sky Lai X 渾水 | 尋找下一隻爆升非主流幣】為你解惑！

活動詳情：
日期：2021年6月8日
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每日金融Podcast、深度金融文章、外聘國際關係專家文章內容、特選國際刊物分析、每月閲讀企劃、平民化A I大數據分析和自己人群組互動，盡在Patreon:
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#漫漫長夜

————————————

2019 陳綺貞 漫漫長夜 Cheer20 演唱會 台北小巨蛋場次工作人員

主辦單位 Organizer：添翼文創事業有限公司、宜辰整合行銷
演唱會行政統籌 Administrative Coordination：宜辰整合行銷
演唱會出品總策劃 Published by：添翼創越工作室
出品人 Publisher：鍾成虎
節目及音樂總監 Show & Music Director：鍾成虎
節目設計 Show Design ：添翼創越工作室、陳綺貞
總導演 Director：天空藍工作室 張文玲
執行導演 Executive Director：天空藍工作室 盧雅伶
舞台監督 Stage Manager：黃熙軒、邱垂遠、朱建仲
舞台技師 Roadie：蘇育樟、黃維凡

演唱/吉他/烏克麗麗/鋼琴 Vocal/Guitar/Ukulele/Piano：陳綺貞
樂團團長/鍵盤 Band Leader/Keyboard：吳貞儀 （牙牙）
吉他/烏克麗麗 Guitar/Ukulele：林建文（大頭）
吉他/電子音效 Guitar/Effect：蔡坤奇（奇哥）
鼓手 Drums：白克迪 Cody Byassee
打擊樂手 Percussions：黃宏一
貝斯 Bass：林羿妏
電腦音樂編程執行 Programmer：張念達 （香菇）
弦樂團 Strings：李琪弦樂團
小提琴 Violin - 李 琪、陳翊婷、薛媛云、林麥麥、徐懿德、吳芷軒
中提琴 Viola - 何佳珍、袁繹晴
大提琴 Cello - 吳世傑、劉宥辰
練團統籌 Rehearsal Administrator：周谷淳、黃維凡

影像導演 Visual Director：楊秀敏
影像製作 Visual Production：楊秀敏、賴志宣、沙韋佑、吳彤、徐瑜婷、徐偉倫
影像執行 Live DJ：楊秀敏、馬莉、羅朵林
導播 Program Director：必應創造 林欣慧
助理導播 Program Director Assistant：鄧靜遠
歌詞字幕播放 Lyrics Subtitle：蔡伊柔

音響工程師 FOH Mixing Engineer：夏傑
音響工程師 Monitor Engineer：必應創造 林宗磊
現場錄音 Live Recording：楊大緯

燈光設計＆工程師 Lighting Design & Engineer：鹿米工作室 吳玉麟、伍翔麟(小伍)、沈佳穎(花花)
舞台設計 Stage Designer：必應創造 馮建彰(二馬)、黃羿偉(一尾)
硬體統籌 Technical Director：城鎮舞台 蔣宜成(小蔣)
硬體統籌協力：黃熙軒、程壬杰、周谷淳
舞台工程 Stage Engineering：城鎮舞台
結構工程 Structure：星船結構
視訊工程 Projection Engineering：成陽視訊
轉播錄影工程 EFP Recording Engineering：無限映像
燈光工程 Lighting Engineering：極光工程有限公司、唯特企業有限公司
音響工程 Sound Engineering：穩立音響
雷射工程 Laser：小小雷射 黃朝偉(小默)
電力工程 Power Engineering：助盛電力
特效工程 Special Effect Engineering：宏益特效
投影工程 Projection Engineering：成陽視訊
樂器提供 Instrument provided：發聲現場
錄音工程 Recording Engineering：穩立音響工程

演唱會企宣 Marketing & Promotion：添翼創越工作室
企宣統籌 Creative / Promotion Director：討海人
企劃執行 Marketing Coordinator：賴怡玟、王芩敏
宣傳執行 Promotion Executor：洪詩婷、洪維聯
主視覺設計 Key Visual Design：蔡南昇
主視覺拍攝 Key Visual Photographer：胡世山
廣告製作 CF Production：奇采文創、尖蚪映畫

造型 Stylist：曾瓊鶯、王瑾瑩(小丸)
化妝 Make Up：妝顏造型工作室
藝人化妝師-陳佳惠
助理-梁安妘 @
髮型 Hair：HC Hair
藝人髮型師-何翰聰 (Johnny)
樂手髮型師-曾翰松 (Hugo)
助理-陳芷靚 (Una)

平面紀錄 Photographer：莊平、王建發、陳立穎、李彥勳、張瑋中、陳文婕、吳仲倫、吳昭晨 、鄭卉君
影像紀錄 Videographer：
8ID-張天城、魏奕敏、洪建凱、陳翔科、陳韋翰、郭彥澤、陳建智
Lucky Sparks 鄭育哲
演唱會行政 Administration：程壬杰、莊雅婷、羅婷瑋、王芩敏、羅伊庭
周邊商品 Merchandise：Fight 30
現場專輯販售 Album Sales：avex taiwan 愛貝克思
場刊 Cheerpost：黃銘彰、曾榆皓、鄭雅文、海流設計、詹仕靜

製企部經理 Marketing&Production Manager：賴怡玟
執行製作 Production Executive：周谷淳
資深製作助理 Senior Production Assistant：黃維凡
新媒體策劃副理 New Media Deputy Manager：洪維聯
企劃部執行 Marketing Executive：王芩敏
公關宣傳部經理 PR & Promotions Manager：洪詩婷
藝人經紀執行主任 Artist Management Executive Supervisor：程壬杰
藝人經紀執行 Artist Management Executive：羅婷瑋
版權處理 Publishing Administrative：何敏綺
行政財務執行 Administrative & Financial Executive：莊雅婷
財務執行 Financial Executive：陳瑞芬、吳美秀
台灣演出活動經紀協力 Booking Agent：林亭慧

協辦單位：台灣高鐵
主要贊助：亞洲萬里通
售票系統：ibon售票網
合作夥伴：華航精緻旅遊
hitFM/POP Radio/ KISS Radio/中廣流行網/ best 好事989電台/飛碟聯播網
KKBOX / MyMusic / friDay音樂 / Spotify / Apple Music / LINE TV
音樂版權 ℗ & ©：添翼創越工作室 Team Ear Music
活動洽詢 [email protected]
添翼官方網站 www.team-ear.com

-

【漫漫長夜】 Official Live Video
YouTube高畫質首播：https://youtu.be/MzM6Xwj1pRA

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)