can t buy me love的八卦，YOUTUBE和Yahoo名人娛樂都在討論

我是國榮。來自澳洲昆士蘭省，讀中學時成績非常好，分數已足夠在大學選讀任何一科。當時我希望成為一名醫生，因為可以幫助他人。我在新南威爾斯大學讀醫科，第一年是住在雪梨北區一個朋友家中，第二年入住大學國際宿舍，宿舍規定最少有半數是留學生，不是澳洲人。最先兩年結識了不少香港、新加玻、馬來西亞的朋友，與他們很合得來，不過最重要是入住宿舍後，便遇到了香港的流行歌曲。有一天我行經走廊時，聽到一些很悅耳的音樂，我便問同學這是甚麽歌曲及可否借給我欣賞，他便借了給我。我已忘記是Leslie還是Alan的歌，但肯定是其中一位。因為很喜歡這些歌曲，便到唐人街購買，後來一邊聽歌一邊看歌詞，因此慢慢地學識了很多中文字。
因為喜歡唱歌，所以在大學的同學活動，開始演唱中文歌，也曾參加香港學生會舉辦的歌唱比賽，參賽歌曲是「愛的根源」，結果獲得亞軍。我很清楚記得，國際宿舍為了文化交流，每年舉辦一次國際晚宴，希望不同種族的學生可以表演和分享文化。Leslie在一九八五年 唱Monica獲得獎項，那是一首我很喜歡的歌曲，所以在文化交流晚會我便選擇唱Monica。當時同學覺得很驚奇，我怎可能唱Monica。我是跟着錄影帶，學習他的舞步和唱歌技巧。我不停地在公眾地方練習，其他同學看到我很用心練習，也過來幫助我。在台上表演時有幾位同學為我伴舞，當晚演出非常成功。
一九八五年Leslie和幾位香港天皇巨星，來澳洲開演唱會。演唱會的主辦公司，需要義務司機，朋友問我能否當義務司機。我答應了，後來知道是當Leslie的司機。有一天他放假不用排練，我們便駕車往坎培拉，當日天氣多雲有微雨，甚麽也看不清楚，喝過咖啡後便離開，回程是Leslie駕駛，他的英語非常好，途中我們愉快地暢談，這次旅程對我來說是很重要的事情。
一九八六年Alan到來澳洲，我又當了他的司機。在他入住的酒店，介紹人在偶像面前，誤把我的名字說成河詠麟，當時在偶像面前我也不懂怎樣矯正。大約有兩年很多人以為我是河詠麟。他的四位女和音，知道我懂得唱他的歌，所以告訴了他，在排練那天他叫我上台一起唱。認識Leslie 和Alan兩位巨星，對我的影響很大，聽到他們的歌，和看到觀眾的反應，我開始對香港的歌唱發展很重視。
因為常常想着唐人街和唱歌，沒有用功讀書，因此醫科的第三年考試不合格，需要重讀，在一九八六年重讀了三個月便決定退學。
後來做了三份洗碗碟工作，還做了個多月砌磚的工作，我把工作一年多，所得工資儲起來，買了一張單程機票和帶了一千澳元，便到來香港發展。唯一的準備是問一個朋友能否到他的家中居住。他的父親很勉強地答應，但需要收租金。我甚麽準備也沒有，只是刻意買了一張單程機票，是因為不想遇到少許困難便放棄，返回澳洲。
初到香港時甚麼都不認識，沒有計劃，也沒有朋友。我最先是住在廣播道，但我的朋友不是在那裡居住，因為他還在讀書。初來時沒有事做，所以在外面逛了幾天，有一天意外地行到紅磡體育館，中門外有四名男士在吸煙，他們竟然叫我河詠麟。原來他們是Alan的樂隊成員，在一九八六年見過面，但相隔一年，竟然還可以記起我，這就是緣分。當時Alan正在為演唱會排練，他們帶我進去體育館，這樣便再見到Alan。一九八七年的演唱會是三十一場，我看了三十場。本來打算看足三十一場，但是有少許問題出現，因為我住的地方有規定，晚上十時半後便會關門，不會再讓人進出。但演唱會是不會這麽早便完場，每晚看完演唱會，我會行去尖沙嘴，然後再步行回廣播道，然後在公園外的石椅小睡，到五時公園開門便進去睡覺，但最終因捱不住，有一晚沒有去看演唱會。有一次Alan突然問我，今晚可否上台唱歌，我說當然可以，便成為他的嘉賓。我第一次表演Alan十分開心，但第二次他在台上介紹，有一個外國人，唱他的歌十分出色，當他呼喚河詠麟出場，因為我不在場，所以沒有出現。後來他問我為何沒有出現，我便向他解釋原因，他便安排我入住酒店，直到演唱會完結。所以便有第三次呼喚我上台，這是我第二次成為嘉賓跟他一起唱「朋友」，真是十分興奮。到八月他的生日會也有邀請我做嘉賓，其實每一件發生的事情都是有關係的。
後來我在北角僑冠大厦租了一間劏房居住，有一次從北角行到中環，看到一間職業介紹公司的招聘啟示，我便前往應徵。當時職員說我可以教英文，但我不是教師，他認為沒有問題，便介紹我到一間補習社工作。在補習社工作了幾個月，有一位同事看到一張電視台的海報，需要招聘 一個西方人，但要懂得說中文。我致電應徵，他是一位獨立經紀，我說沒有經驗和廣東話也不是很好，他說沒有問題。我便去見一位電視台女監製，她給我一段英文劇本，要我讀出來。因為很緊張，五分鐘都不能出聲，我跟自己說，不嘗試會後侮一生。那一段對白是警官責備下級，責備人一定是很大聲的，所以我便很大聲說出來。當時她正在做自己的事，沒有再理會我，但我的叫聲使她大吃一驚。因為沒有其他外國人給她選擇，她無奈地聘請了我，這套劇集需要兩個西方人，另外一位是當主角，從那時開始，便在電視台工作了二十年。
二零一四年九月我在N o w T V的一個音樂節目做嘉賓，在一間音樂室裡我和三位節目主持人，唱歌和談論音樂。到最近才知道，他們三位是100毛的老闆。到聖誕100毛找我拍攝雜誌封面，我不知為何找我拍攝封面，原來三位老闆是認識我的，只是我自己不知道。
二零一五年八月他們聯絡我，他們有一首歌，問我會否願意演唱，那首歌曲我很熟悉，歌詞十分口語化，應該可以學到的。但當時是星期五，表演是在星期日，只得兩天時間作準備，所以我很用心練習。舞台是有電視屏幕可以看到歌詞，但我盡量避免看電視屏幕，只是有需要時才看一看，便可以放心地唱。能夠上台非常開心，我可以扮了演一個角色，唱一首悅耳和有趣的歌，觀眾很熱鬧和興奮，真是十分難得。我知道這是一生一次，這不是自己可以做到，是他們給我機會。那首歌很受歡迎，而且登上了流行榜。聖誕節前他們聯絡我，表示將會舉辦總選，問我會否參加，我便欣然答應了。當天每位表演者，會有兩首歌曲，在十二月廿六日接到新歌，我從沒有聽過那首歌，是一首說唱歌曲，而且歌詞很陌生，對我來說十分困難，所以我不停地練習了四百多次。當晚表演由Now T V直播，有七十萬人觀看，想不到自己能夠獲得香港區最受歡迎男歌星獎，當宣佈我的名字時，極度開心，無人能想到，唱出真香港的歌曲，是由一個西方人唱出，可以感動到別人。這是天時地利人和，超乎現實，簡直是一個奇蹟。因為那首歌不是我揀選，是別人給我的，練習這首歌時眼睛常常都會充了滿淚水和很感動。
西方人在香港發展演藝事業是十分困難的，機會不多，只能扮演一些無關重要的角色，但我從來沒有想過放棄。五年前我計劃灌錄一張唱片，因為胃酸倒流，把聲帶灼傷，使我聲音變得沙啞，這件事使我非常懊惱，因為辛苦練習多年，卻發生了這個問題，後來我矯正了唱歌方法，問題得以改善，可以繼續唱歌，現在準備為唱片再進行錄音工作。
最近有很多關於少數族裔的事情出現在我身上 ，現在我為一個港台節目做旁白，是關於少數族裔在香港。他們在本地娛樂圈發展是十分困難，因為在一個有九成是同一種族的地方，看電視或電影，也是會看自己的種族，未必會看少數族裔。如果他們幾個人合作，做一個節目，然後在網上發放，是有機會成功。香港有很多少數族裔居住，有些人的中文比我好，他們也愛香港。
我心目中的香港人，是要做香港人做的事，吃香港人吃的食物，關心香港，不看膚色，希望他們也能說廣東話，最重要是覺得香港是自己的家，這便是真正的香港人。

I am Gregory. I hail from Queensland, Australia. During my high school years, my grades were excellent. They were good enough for me to enroll in any subject that I wanted to in university. At that time, I wanted to become a doctor because I could help others. I studied Medicine at the University of New South Wales. In my first year, I lived in my friend’s home located in North Sydney. During my second year, I lived in International House at the university. It was a rule for the school campus to have at least 50 percent overseas students. They cannot be Australians. I met a lot of Hong Kong, Singaporean and Malaysian friends in my first two years. I was able to get along with them very well. But what is most important was that after living in International House, I came across Hong Kong pop music. One day I was walking along the corridors and overheard beautifully melodic music. I asked my classmate what music he was listening to and if he could lend me the music to listen to. He leant it to me.
I have forgotten whether it was the music of Leslie or Alan. But I am sure it was one of them because I really liked that kind of music. I went to Chinatown to buy it. Eventually, I listened to the music as I read the lyrics. In turn, I slowly picked up a lot of Chinese characters.
I attended many different functions to perform Cantonese songs in university because I really liked to sing. I also attended a singing competition organized by the Hong Kong student association. The competition song was ‘Root of Love’. In the end I won second runner-up. I clearly remember International House wanted to organize cultural exchanges so they held international banquets each year. Their hope was for students from different ethnic backgrounds to perform and share their culture.
In 1985, Leslie won an award for singing ‘Monica’. It was a song that I really loved. During the international cultural exchange banquet, I chose to sing ‘Monica’. At that time my classmates were very surprised. How can I sing ‘Monica’? I followed the videos to learn the dance steps and singing techniques. I kept on practicing in public. Other students witnessed how hard I was practicing and came over to help me out. A few classmates became my accompanying dancers as I danced on stage. The performance that night was extremely successful.
Leslie and a group of Hong Kong superstars visited Australia to hold concerts in 1985. The concert organizer needed a voluntary driver. My friends asked me whether I wanted to be the voluntary driver. I accepted the offer. In the end I found out that I would become Leslie’s driver. There was one day when he was on break and did not need to rehearse. We drove to Canberra. It was cloudy and there was light rain on that day. We could not see clearly. After having a coffee, we left. Leslie was next to drive. His English was very good. During the journey back we chatted happily. The trip was very important to me.
In 1986, Alan came to Australia. I was also his driver. Our mutual friend misread my name as “Ho Wing Lun” in front of my idol during his stay at the hotel. I was not able to correct him at the time because Alan (“Wing Lun”) was my idol. Many people thought I was called “Ho Wing Lun” for around two years. His four back-up singers knew I was able to sing Alan’s songs. That was why they told him about it. During rehearsal day, he told me to sing with him on stage. Knowing superstars like Leslie and Alan had a great impact on me. To be able to listen to their songs and to witness the reactions from the audience led me to become interested in a singing career in Hong Kong.
I did not put in a lot of effort in my studies because I always thought of Chinatown and singing. Consequently, I failed my medical examinations in my third year. I had to re-take my subjects. In 1986, I re-took my studies for three months but then I decided to quit school.
In the end I juggled three dish washing jobs and also many months of brick laying work. I saved up a whole year of my salary and bought a one-way ticket to Hong Kong. I also carried $1000 Australian dollars on me. I then went to Hong Kong to develop my career. I only asked my friend whether I could stay at his place as preparation to living in my new homeland. His father reluctantly agreed but had to receive rent. I did not have anything equipped or prepared. I only purposely bought a one-way ticket because I did not want to easily give up when I encountered minor difficulties and return to Australia.
When I first arrived in Hong Kong, I did not know anything. I did not have any plans. I also did not have any friends. Initially, I lived in Broadcast Drive but my friend did not live there because he was still studying. I did not have anything to do at first. That was why I hung around Hong Kong for several days. One day, by coincidence, I came across Hung Hom Coliseum. At the entrance, there were four men smoking. They noticed me and surprisingly called out “Ho Wing Lun”. They were, in fact, members of Alan’s band. We have first met in 1986. Surprisingly, they remembered me after a whole year. That is called fate. At that time, Alan was preparing for his concert. The four men brought me inside the Coliseum. I saw Alan. There were 31 shows in his 1987 concert. I watched 30 of them. I intended to watch all 31 shows but there was a slight problem. There were rules at my guest house. After ten thirty each night, the door to the home will be locked. Nobody was allowed to enter or leave the house. But concerts do not end so early. So, after watching each concert in the evening, I would walk to Tsim Sha Tsui and then walk back to Broadcast Drive. I would sleep on the concreate seats outside the park. When the park opens at five in the morning, I will go in and sleep. Eventually, I was unable to handle it. One night I cannot watch a show. Once Alan asked me “Can you sing on stage tonight?” I told him “Of course I can.” I became his special guest. Alan was extremely happy when I first performed. By the second show, he announced that: “There is a westerner who can sing my songs very well.” He called out my name “Ho Wing Lun!” But because I was not at the scene, I did not show up. Eventually, he asked me why I did not show up. I explained my reason to him. He then arranged a hotel for me to stay at until the end of the concert. That was why he was able to call me out the third time! That was my second time as special guest singing “Friends” with him. It was exhilarating. In August, he introduced me as a special guest at his birthday party. Actually, everything happens for a reason and everything is interconnected.
Soon after, I rented a tiny flat at a building in North Point to live in. I walked from North Point to Central once. I came across a recruitment agency looking to hire. I went in to give it a shot. At that time, the staff said I could teach English but I was not a teacher. The staff said it was not a problem and introduced me to work at a learning center. After working there for a few months, a colleague saw a TV station’s poster. They were looking to recruit a westerner but that person needs to be able to speak Cantonese. I called to give it a try. The person who answered was an independent agent. I told that agent I had no experience and my Cantonese was not very good. The agent told me it was not a problem. I went to see the TV station’s female producer. She gave me an English script and wanted me to read it out. I was so nervous that I did not utter a word in five minutes. I told myself, if I do not try, I will regret it for life. The dialogue depicted a police telling off a subordinate. When you tell someone off, you must be very loud so, I read my lines out very loudly. At that time, the female producer was doing her own work and did not care about me but because I was so loud, I frightened her! As there were no other westerners for her to choose from, she had no choice but to hire me. The TV show required two westerners. The other westerner played the main character. From then onwards, I worked at the TV station for twenty years.
In September 2014, I appeared as a guest on a NowTV music program. I was in a band room with the three show hosts. We sang and discussed music. Only recently, I found out that they were the Founders of 100 Most. When it was Christmas, 100 Most invited me to appear on the cover of their magazine. I did not know why they wanted me to do it – only to find out that the Founders of the magazine already knew who I was! It was just me who did not know that.
In August 2015, 100 Most contacted me and asked me whether I wanted to sing this particular song. I was very familiar with the song lyrics. The lyrics were very colloquial. I should be able to learn it. It was Friday. The performance was on Sunday. I only had two days to prepare for it. That was why I practiced very hard. The stage showcased the lyrics. But I tried my best not to look at them. I would only glance at them when I needed to. I felt more confident and assured as I sang.
I was extremely elated to be able to perform on stage. I can play a role singing a wonderful and amusing song. The audience was super warm and excited. It was a moment to be treasured. I know this can only happen once in my life. It cannot be done by myself. It is because I was given a chance by 100 Most. The song was very popular and hit the charts. Before Christmas, 100 Most contacted me and expressed that there would be a final election of the songs. They asked me whether I would like to participate. I was more than happy to give it a try. On the day of the show, each contestant would have two songs.
On the 26th of December, I received the new song. I have never heard of the song before. It was a rap song. I was very unfamiliar with the lyrics. I found them very difficult. That was why I kept practicing it for more than four hundred times. The show was broadcasted live by NowTV. Around seven hundred thousand people watched the broadcast. I cannot imagine winning the Best Hong Kong Male Singer. When my name was announced, I was extremely delighted. Nobody can imagine that a westerner was able to sing a song about ‘real Hong Kong’. It can touch people. It was something that happened at the right place and at the right time. It was also surreal and a complete miracle. It is because the song was not selected by me. It was given to me by others. My eyes were often wet from practicing this song. I was very touched.
It is very difficult for westerners to develop their artistry in the entertainment industry. Chances are slim. They can only play roles that are irrelevant and unimportant. But I never thought of giving up. Five years ago I planned to record my own album. But because of stomach acid reflux, my vocal chords got damaged. My voice became hoarse and coarse. It brought me a lot of frustrations because I have worked hard for many years. Then this happened. I then amended my singing techniques and the issue improved significantly. I was able to sing again. I am now working on re-recording my new album.
A lot of ethnic minority issues materialized around me as of late. I am currently the voice over for a RTHK program about ethnic minorities in Hong Kong. It is very hard for them to develop their career in the local entertainment industry. It is because when 90 percent of the people share the same skin color comes together in a particular place, those watching TV or film will tend to watch people of their own skin color. They may not watch ethnic minorities. If a group of ethnic minorities work together to create a program for the web, it may work out. There are a lot of ethnic minorities residing in Hong Kong. Some of their Chinese is better than mine. They also love Hong Kong very much.
‘Hong Kongers’, to me, are people who need to do things ‘Hong Kongers’ do. Eat Hong Kong food. Care about Hong Kong. And do not look at skin color. I hope they can also speak Cantonese. Most importantly, they should regard Hong Kong as their home. Then, they are ‘real Hong Kongers’.

Seorang Suami Menemui Sebuah Diari Arwah Isterinya Dan Hampir Pitam Selepas Membaca Kandungan Diari Tersebut Kerana Rupanya Arwah Isterinya Itu Sudah Banyak Kali...
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Apa yang nak aku tuliskan ini, jadikan lah sebagai pengajaran buat semua lelaki di luar sana yang bergelar suami. Kisah ini mungkin menyayat hati bagi yang masih ada ‘hati’.

Hari ni genap 67 hari arwah isteri aku meninggl. Dan selama 67 hari ini juga aku tak henti henti menangis di atas pemergian isteri yang paling aku sayang. Bukan aku tak redha, cuma aku rasa seperti tak lepas.

Seperti ada sesuatu yg belum selesai antara kami. Dan malam ini, aku terjaga bukan kerana tangisan baby yg minta disusukan, tapi kerana seakan terdengar dengar tangisan arwah. Allahu..aku tak kuat.

Aku dah berkahwin selama lebih kurg 3 tahun setengah dengan isteri. Kami kahwin muda. Seawal usia aku 20, dan isteri 19. Di awal perkahwinan, semuanya indah belaka. Aku sgt mencintai isteri sehingga langsung tak boleh berjauhan dengan nya.

Sampai kadang kadang bila kena oustation, aku menangis rindukan dia pada waktu malam (aku bekerja di company milik family, dan dia belajar di ipts dekat dgn rumah) . Pergi ke mana saja, aku akan bawa dia bersama. Hatta keluar isi minyak atau beli top up pun dia akan merengek nak ikut. Isteri aku mmg manja org nya dan type of overly attached wife. Tapi aku tak rimas, malah aku suka.

Kami memang sangat rapat. Tambahan pula kami bercinta lepas nikah. We explore everything together. Bila dia cuti sem, aku akan bawa dia berjalan mana dia nak pergi. Isteri aku cantik orgnya. Bukan aku puji sebab dia isteri aku, tetapi sebab semua orang pun cakap perkara sama.

Bila keluar, kalau isteri aku melaram mesti ada je mata yang duk pandang pandang. Memang aku sakit hati, tapi aku pujuk diri dengan cakap takpelah, dia milik aku skrg. Lagipun aku tahu isteri aku mmg jenis sangat tidak melayan.

Bercakap dengan lelaki pun kurang. Dulu masa nak pikat hati dia pun ambil masa berbulan baru dapat kenal. Dia seorang yang sopan, dan menutup aurat dengan sempurna.

Dari awal kahwin, sehingga hampir setahun, aku rasa sangat senang dengan arwah. Kalau boleh, aku nak ada dekat dengan dia je 24jam. Bila ada kerja luar, aku akan settlekan cepat dan berkejar nak balik rumah.

Namun bila masa berlalu, tanpa aku sedar aku makin banyak berubah. Tanpa aku sedar, arwah makan hati dalam diam. Aku makin jauh dengan dia. Aku sibuk dengan kerja luar, sehingga aku rasa seronok berada di luar berbanding di rumah bersama isteri. Kadang kadang, aku cari je apa yang boleh aku settlekan di luar rumah sebab aku bosan stay dekat rumah.

Sepanjang perkahwinan, mmg aku langsung tak pernah keluar kalau bukan bersama arwah. Apa lagi nak lepak malam malam dengan kawan lama. Sampai laa suatu masa aku join macam macam club kereta dan motor.

Makin banyak alasan aku nak jumpa kawan itu dan kawan ini. Mula mula arwah diam , lama lama dia mula merungut yang dia bosan di rumah kesorangan. Tapi aku tak peduli pun. Kadang kadang dia menangis sebab kecil hati dengan aku. Tapi setiap kali dia menangis bila bergaduh atau berkecil hati, aku tak pernah pedulikan dia. Sedar sedar dia dah tertidur dengan air mata kat pipi.

Ye, aku tahu aku suami yg jahat. Aku biasakan dia dengan layanan seperti seorang puteri, kemudian aku ragut semuanya . Dari seorang suami yang cukup lembut, aku berubah menjadi seperti seekor singa bila bergaduh.

Aku akan ignore dia. Aku akan cakap kasar kasar dengan dia. Tangan aku mula pandai sentuh badan dia (itu kalau dia yg mulakan dulu). Sampai kadang kadang aku rasa mcm jodoh aku dengan dia dah takde.

Kami kerap bertengkar. Dan kebanyakannya berpunca dari sikap dia yang terlalu kuat cemburu. Tapi itu dulu, masa dia hidup. Bila dia dah pergi, baru aku sedar. Dia bukannya cemburu buta tetapi dia mahu aku jadi suami yg soleh. Dia mahukan yg terbaik untuk dunia dan akhirat aku. Allah, berdosanya aku.

Aku mengaku, aku memang susah nak jaga mata. Bila keluar berdua, dan ada perempuan cantik yg melintas depan kami mesti mata aku akan terpesona tgk kecantikan perempuan tu. Padahal isteri aku ada kat sebelah. Dan isteri aku pun sangat cantik.

Tapi aku tak pernah sedar semua tu. Bagi aku biasa lah tu lelaki mmg suka tgk perempuan cantik. Aku tak tahu yang isteri aku sedih dengan sikap aku tu. Arwah selalu tegur. Tapi aku buat tak tahu je. Sampai satu masa arwah dah tak tegur lagi, mungkin dia dah penat dengan perkara sama. Aku memang tak tahu bersyukur. Aku tak pernah rasa cukup dgn apa yg aku adaa. Sedangkan arwah dah cukup segalanya

To be honest, aku juga sukar jaga mata dari pandang perkara haram. Kadang kadang aku terlajak layan video prno. Tapi arwah tak pernah tahu. Sampai la satu hari masa dia mengandung 3 bulan, aku kantoi. Masa tu dia sedih sgt, sampai dapat migrain dan kena admit ward sebab pre eclampsia .

Aku risau sgt pasal baby masa tu. Dan it was the last time aku tgk mende keji tu. Aku dah bersumpah pada diri sendiri yg aku takkan tonton lagi umpan syaitan tu. Aku tak tahu kenapa, isteri aku halal untuk aku datangi bila bila masa tetapi pelacur di website itu juga yg aku nak tengok. Sedangkan t
Sedangkan tbuh isteri lebih cantik dari semua tu. Aku hina. Aku memang pendosa

Mulai hari tu, aku tengok isteri rajin bangun solat malam. Aku tahu, dia mengadu kepada Allah perihal aku. Aku tahu, dia bangun untuk doakan kebaikan bagi aku. Itupun semua aku tahu lepas dia dah pergi. Lepas dia dah meninggl. Lepas dah terlewat semua nya.

Seminggu lepas dia meninggl, aku kemas luggage pakaian dia. Dan aku terjumpa satu buku tebal. Aku ingatkan buku nota study dia. Rupanya dalam tu penuh catatan diari dia dari mula kahwin dengan aku sampai la hari terakhir sebelum di admit ward untuk give birth.

Aku baca semua. Air mata aku tumpas. Akurasa masa tu aku nak pergi gali semulaa kubur arwah aku nak peluk dia, aku nak cium dia, aku nak minta maaf aku nak minta ampun. Aku banyak dosa dengan dia.

“Abang, kenapa abg tengok semua tu. Sayang kan ada kalau abg berhajat? Mungkin sayang tak mengiurkan macam pelakon pelakon dlm video lcah tu. Syg minta maaf kalau syg tak pandai layan abg, sampai abg cari kepuasan melalui cara tu.

Ya allah, kau berilah hidayah pada suami aku. Abang, semoga Allah pelihara abang dari pandangan haram ye. Moga hati dan iman abg kuat ye. Takpe, syg tolong doakan abang setiap malam dan di setiap sujud syg. ”

” Cemburunya tengok abg duk pandang pandang perempuan tu tadi. Mmg la cantik. Tapi syg dah usaha habis baik nk bagi cantik jugakk bila keluar dgn abg

Sehelai demi sehelai lembaran tu aku belek. Dari sekecil kecil hingga ke sebesar besar hal dia ceritakan semua dalam buku tu. Baru skrg aku sedar , aku kurang beri perhatian pada dia selama ni. Dan ada satu luahan dalam buku tu ingatkan aku pada satu detik masa awal kehamilan arwah.

“Abang abang! Rasaa ni baby gerakk la! Aku emmm emm je. Mata asyik duk hadap hp. Bosan dgr dia merengek, aku alih tangan letak atas perut dia. Tapi mata masih lekat di skrin telefon. Dan segala kesedihan tu dia luahkan dalam buku tu. Memang aku dengar dia menangis malam tu tapi aku tak peduli pun. Mmg aku tak pernah nak pujuk kalau dia menangis. Apatah lagi nak tanya kenapa. Allahu.. kejam nya aku. Aku tak pernah peduli apa dia rasa.

Banyak yg aku baca dalam diari arwah. Patut laa dia dapat pre eclampsia (high blood prssure during pregnancy) . Padahal umur baru setahun jagung dan ini first baby. Rupanya banyak yg dia stress dan fikir pasal aku. Selama ni tanpa aku sedar, dia byk hide semua post di fb yg nengandungi unsur tak baik atau gmbr perempuan seksi. Betapa dia nak jaga dan nak bantu aku jadi baik.

Jahatnya aku. Memang aku tak pernah ada perempuan lain. Tapi aku seksa perasaan dan emosi dia. Dari apa yg aku baca, dia seolah menjadi sgt paranoid, memikirkan apa yg aku lihat di hp berkait dengan perempuan sksi, perempuan lain, atau tidak. Aku tak salahkan dia. Ini semua salah aku. Aku tak pernah fikir perasaan dia. Aku anggap semua remeh, semua kecil. Sedangkan dia menanggung derita yg besar.

Aku ingat lagi beberapa hari sebelum dia admit ward utk bersalin. Sewaktu dia nak turun beli makanan, dia sempat bergurau. Abang, rindu laa nak dengar abang ckp “awak jalan elok2 tau. Kalau ada org kacau, jerit nama abg kuat2”. Mmg dulu aku sangat lembut dan romantik dgn dia. Tapi aku xtahu mana semua tu pergi. Bukan arwah tak pernah cakap yg dia rindu aku yang dulu. Tapi aku tak pernah peduli.

Sekarang, semua dah takde. Yang tinggal hanya kenangan. Kenangan yang tak boleh mengembalikan apa apa. Dan arwah tinggalkan aku bersama zuriat kami. Nur amsya imani. Wajah iras sangat dengan arwah. Setiap kali aku pandang wajah anak syurga ini, setiap kali tu wajah arwah terbayang di mata. Allah..macam mana aku nak lalui hari hari mendatang.

Sungguh, aku sunyi. Dan sekarang baru aku faham erti sunyi yg isteri aku cakapkan selama ni bila stay dekat rumah sorang diri. Patut laa selama ni dia tak pernah tidur, dan tunggu aku balik walaupun tengah malam. Rupanya dia tak dapat tidur bila aku takde kat sblh

Aku dah hilang segalanya. Aku dah hilang isteri solehah yg sentiasa doakan kebaikan aku. aku dah hilang isteri yg selama ni jadi penguat aku. Abang rinduu nak naik motor dengan awak, sayang.. mcm awal kahwin dulu.

Pukul 1 pagi awak ajak round taman. Abang rinduu nak gurau dengan awak. Balik laa sayangg.. abg janji abg tak keluar dengan kawan dah. Abang janji abang tak hadap hp 24jam dah. Abang janji abg xpandang perempuan lain dah. Abang janji :(.

Menangis lah air mata darah pun. Arwah takkan kembali. Aku takde apa nak pesan banyak banyak. Tapi ambil laa kisah aku sebagai pengajaran. Tolong laa ambil sebagai pengajaran. Jangan sampai semua terlambat, baru kau nak menyesal. Aku menyesal. Menyesal. Menyesal.
A husband found a diary of his late wife and almost swoon after reading his diary content because apparently his late wife has many times...
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What I want to write about, make it a lesson for all the men out there who are called husbands. This story may be heartbreaking for those who still have 'heart'.

Today is only 67 days my late wife left. And for the past 67 days I haven't stopped crying over the passing of the wife that I love most. It's not that I don't accept it, it's just that I

It seems like there is something unfinished between us. And tonight, I'm awake not because of the baby's cry that asked to be breastfeed, but because it's like hearing the cry of the late Allahu.. I'm not strong.

I've been married for more than 3 years and a half to my wife. We married young. As early as I was 20, and wife 19. At the beginning of marriage, everything was beautiful. I love my wife so much that she can't be far from her.

Until sometimes when I get oustation, I cry missing him at night (I work in the family's company, and he's studying in IPTS near home). Go anywhere, I'll take her along. Hatta comes out of oil or even buy top up he will cry to follow. My wife is really spoiled by her person and type of overly attached wife. But I'm not crazy, but I like it.

We are very close. Plus we love after marriage. We explore everything together. When he's a semester holiday, I'll take him to walk where he wants to go. My wife is beautiful. I don't praise because she's my wife, but because everyone says the same.

When it comes out, if my wife dresses up there must be eyes that are looking at. I'm really hurt, but I persuade myself by saying it's okay, he's mine now. After all, I know that my wife is very kind of not entertaining.

Talking to a man is also lacking. In the past, when he was about to catch his heart, he took months to get to know him. He's a polite person, and cover his body perfectly.

From the beginning of marriage, until almost a year, I feel so happy with the late. If possible, I would like to be close to him for 24 hours. When there's an outdoor job, I'll settle fast and chase to go home.

But when time passes by, without me realizing I change more. Without me realizing, the spirit eats the heart in silence. I'm getting far away from him. I'm busy with outdoor work, until I feel good to be out there rather than home with my wife. Sometimes, I'm just looking for something that I can settle outside the house because I'm bored staying at home.

Throughout the marriage, I will never go out if not with the deceased. What else to hang out at night with old friends. Until one time I joined like a car and motor club.

More excuses for me to meet that friend and friend. At first the late was quiet, long time ago he started complaining that he was bored at home alone. But I don't care. Sometimes she cries because she's small with me. But everytime she cries when she fights or gets discouraged, I never cared about her. Realized that he fell asleep with tears on the cheek.

Yes, I know I'm a bad husband. I used to do her with service like a princess, then I snatched all of them. From a gentle husband, I turned into a lion when fighting.

I will ignore him. I'd be rude to him. My hands are starting to touch his body (that's if he started it first). Until sometimes I feel like my partner with him is gone.

We fight a lot. And most of them are caused by his attitude that is too jealous. But that was the time he lived. When he's gone, then I'll realize. He's not jealous but he wants me to be a good husband. He wants the best for my world and my afterlife. Allah, I am sinning.

I confess, I am hard to keep my eyes open. When both of you come out, and there's a beautiful woman who passes in front of us, my eyes will be amazed by the beauty of the Even though my wife is beside me. And my wife is very beautiful too.

But I never realized all that. For me it's normal that men like to look at beautiful women. I didn't know that my wife was saddened by my attitude. The late always greets. But I just don't know. Until one time the deceased hasn't told me anymore, maybe he's tired of the same thing. I don't know how to be grateful. I have never felt enough with what I have. While the deceased is enough

To be honest, I'm also hard to keep my eyes from looking at illegal things. Sometimes I watch the video too much. But the spirit never knew. Until one day when she was pregnant for 3 months, I was caught. At that time he was so sad, until he got migraine and got admitted to the ward because of pre eclampsia.

I was so worried about the baby at that time. And it was the last time I saw that cruel thing. I swear to myself that I won't watch the devil's bait anymore. I don't know why, my wife is halal for me to come to me anytime but the prostitute on the website is also what I want to see. Whereas t
While the wife is prettier than all that. I am despicable. I am indeed a sinner

From the other day, I saw the wife awake at night prayer. I know, he complains to Allah about me. I know, he woke up to pray for me for the goodness. That's all I knew after he was gone. After he left. After all it's too late.

A week ago she left, I cleaned her clothes luggage. And I found a thick book. I thought it was his study notebook. Apparently the diary is full of notes from starting to marry me until the last day before admitted to the ward to give birth.

I read all. My tears are broken. I feel that time I want to dig back the grave of my late I want to hug him, I want to kiss him, I want to apologize. I have sinned with him.

′′ Brother, why do you look at all that. Love is there if you wish? Maybe it's a pity that you don't like the actress in the video of the crazy video I'm sorry if I don't know how to treat me, until I find satisfaction through that way.

Ya Allah, please give guidance to my husband. Brother, may Allah protect you from illegal opinion. May my heart and faith be strong okay. It's okay, dear, please pray for me every night and every kneel dear. ′′ ′′

′′ It's jealous looking at brother looking at that woman just now. It's really beautiful. But unfortunately I've tried it and it's better to make it beautiful when I'm out with

One piece by one piece I turn into the sheet. From as small to small as big as he says everything in the book. Now I'm aware, I haven't paid attention to him all this time. And there's one expression in the book that reminds me of the early moment of the late pregnancy.

′′ Brother brother! I think this is a baby! Me emmm emm je. Eyes keep on facing hp. Tired of hearing him whining, I put my hand on his stomach. But the eyes are still stuck on the phone screen. And all the sadness he expressed in the book. I heard him crying that night but I don't care. I never wanted to persuade him if he cried. What else to ask why. Allahu.. I'm so cruel. I never cared what she felt.

I read a lot in the late diary. No wonder he got pre eclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy). Even though it's only a year of corn and this is the first baby. Apparently he's stressed out and thought about me. All this while without me realizing it, he hid all the posts on Facebook that contain bad elements or sexy women's pictures. How much he wants to take care of and help me be good.

I am evil. I never had another woman. But I torture her feelings and emotions. From what I read, she seems to be very paranoid, thinking of what I saw on her phone related to women, other women, or not. I don't blame her. This is all my fault. I never thought about her feelings. I take everything trivial, all small. While he suffered a big suffering.

I still remember a few days before he admitted to the ward to give birth. When he wanted to go down to buy food, he had time to joke around. Brother, I miss listening to my brother say ′′ you walk well. If someone disturbs me, shout out my name loudly ". I was so soft and romantic with him. But I don't know where all that went. It's not the spirit that he misses the old me. But I never cared.

Now, everything is gone. All that is left is memories. Memories that can't bring back anything. And the spirit left me with our children. Nur Amsya Imani. The face is very similar to the spirit. Every time I look at the face of this heavenly child, every time the face of the deceased is imagined in the eyes Allah.. how am I going through the coming days.

Really, I'm quiet. And now I only understand the meaning of silence that my wife has been talking about all this while staying at home alone. No wonder he hasn't slept yet, and wait for me to come back even though it's midnight. Apparently he can't sleep when I'm not beside me

I lost everything. I have lost my solehah wife who always pray for my goodness. I've lost my wife who has been my booster all this time. I miss riding a motorbike with you, dear.. like I got married early.

At 1 am you invite me to round the park. I miss joking with you. Come back dear.. I promise I won't be with my friends anymore. I promise I won't face my phone for 24 hours. I promise that I don't look at other women anymore. I promise :(.

Crying tears of blood. The spirit will never return. I don't want to order a lot. But take my story as a teaching. Please take it as a teaching. Don't let it be late, then you regret it. I'm sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.Translated

คนคุณภาพอยู่ที่ไหนก็คุณภาพ เข้าใจและเคารพการตัดสินใจของพี่แบงนะงับ พวกเราจะติดตามพี่เสมอ .. ผมมันพวกดื้อพวกฝังใจ ขอสู้กับมันให้พังไปข้างก่อน ไม่ไหวจริงๆจะทำใจและเดินไปข้างหน้าต่อนะ

#น้องจง

พบกันใหม่... เขียนทีไร น้ำตาซึม เมื่อนั้น...
ถ้าหากพิมพ์ผิดพิมพ์ถูกขออภัยด้วย พิมพ์ไปน้ำตาไหลไป T_T
ขอบคุณครับ

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หลายปีที่ผ่านมา 2011-2015...

เวลาผมมองการแข่งขัน หรือ แม้กระทั่ง น้องคนรู้จักเล่น DotA แม้แต่เด็กที่เล่นในร้านเกมก็ตาม... ผมน้ำตาซึมทุกครั้ง และ ใจหวิว

ได้แต่บอกกับตัวเองว่า เราจากสิ่งที่เราชอบมาได้ยังไงถึงเพียงนี้นะ แล้วเราจะกลับมันไปได้ยังไงดี?

เราจะกล้าทิ้งงานประจำเหรอ เราจะทำมันได้ไหม มันจะเลี้ยงดูคนที่บ้านได้รึเปล่า? แล้วมันจะได้อะไรกลับคืนมาบ้าง? จากการทำสิ่งนี้ เราทำให้คนดูมีความสุขได้ แต่ถ้าเราทุกข์ เราจะหันหน้าไปพึ่งใครดีหล่ะ?

คำถามนี้วนเวียนอยู่ในหัวผม หลายต่อหลายปี จนปี 2016 ผมได้ตัดสินใจ หักแข้ง หักขา ตัวเอง เพื่อที่จะก้าวสู่ในที่ใหม่ๆ ที่ที่เรารัก และ ทำให้มันให้ดีที่สุด เท่าที่จะทำได้

ในปี 2016 ที่ผมได้ลาออกจากงาน แล้วกลับมาพากย์ DotA2 อย่างเต็มรูปแบบ ตะบี้ ตะบันพากย์มานักต่อนัก จนทำให้มีคนดูอยู่ในระดับหนึ่ง และ ไม่เคยหยุด อาจจะมีป่วย มีท้อบ้าง บ่นได้แต่ก็ไม่เคยหยุด

เพราะอะไรหน่ะเหรอ เพราะผมชอบนะ DotA แต่ไม่ได้หมายความว่าผมเกลียดเกมอื่นๆ ผมรักในงานเกม ในวงการเกม มันมีอะไรให้ค้นหาเยอะ ในบทบาทของเรา

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ในปี 2017 ยุคที่ก้าวกระโดด ผมได้เข้าร่วมกับ Platform Twitch ที่ถือว่า เริ่มต้นสายอาชีพ Streamer ที่ Support นักพากย์สาย Entertainment ในแบบผมอย่างเต็มตัว

มันทำให้ผมพออยู่ได้ และ หาเลี้ยงครอบครัวได้อย่างเป็นสุข ถึงแม้ว่าการ Donations หรือ การ Subs จะได้มากมาย ผกผัน กับยอดวิว ที่มีอยู่ แต่ผมกล่าวออก Stream เสมอว่า

"แค่มาดูผมก็พอ ก็ถือว่าเป็นการ Support ผมแล้ว"

ซึ่งปี 2017 ผมได้มีโอกาสที่ดี ในหลายๆ งาน เช่น Manila Masters และ ความฝันสูงสุด ที่มันมาถึงเร็วมาก นั่น คือ การที่ได้ไปพากย์ ขอบสนาม ในเวที The Internationals นั่นเอง

ผมไม่ได้คิดว่า ผมจะไปในฐานะตัวเองแม้แต่น้อย ผมไปในฐานะ คนไทยคนนึง ซึ่งได้ไปอยู่ในจุด จุดนั้น มันสนุกมาก มันเป็นประสบการณ์ที่ดีและเป็นความสุขที่สุดครั้งนึงในชีวิตผมเลยก็ว่าได้

แม้จะมีผิดพลาดบ้าง ทำแย่บ้าง เพราะร่างกายไม่ไหว แต่เราก็ทำต่อไป เราแค่พูดกับตัวเองว่า เราจะตั้งใจกว่านี้ และ ขอโทษคนดูอยู่เป็นประจำที่เราทำไม่ได้ออกมาที่เราต้องการ หรือ คนอื่นๆ ต้องการนั่นเอง

"แต่ต้องบอกว่าปีนี้ ผมยิ้ม มากกว่า ร้องไห้จริงๆ"

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ในปี 2018 เป็นยุคมืดของผมเลยก็ว่าได้ มันเป็นเหมือน ความสว่างที่เด่นชัดในปี 2017 แล้วมาดับวูป ในครึ่งปีหลัง 2018

ถ้าใครติดตามก็แน่นอนว่า ที่บ้านผมก็มีปัญหาอยู่ไม่น้อย แน่นอนมันจะมีคำ คำนึง ออกมาว่า "เราต้องการใช้เงินหว่ะ? แต่เราต้องหาเงินด้วยตัวเอง โดยไม่ได้หยิบยืมใครคนอื่น"

ในปี 2018 มันเป็นยุคที่ดีมากๆ ในครึ่งปีแรก ทุกอย่างดีหมด ดีมากจริงๆ ผมมีแนวโน้มว่าจะ มีเงินเก็บซักก้อนเอาไว้ ซื้อบ้านที่จะขยับขยาย ฐานการพากย์ หรือ Studio เล็กๆ

แต่แล้วมันก็พังทลาย เพราะ ... 1.โดนโกงจาก GESC 2.โดนโกงจาก Bitcoin ซึ่งคดีความยังดำเนินอยู่ และ จะจัดการถึงที่สุด

มันเป็นอะไรที่ Fail มาก มีพี่คนนึงเคยบอกว่า นี่หล่ะ "มันเป็นผลพลอย ของคนใช้เงินไม่เป็น และอยากได้เยอะเกินไป ให้คนอื่นเยอะไป"

คำนี้มันวนเวียนอยู่ในหัวผมหลายต่อหลายเดือน

แน่นอนว่า สิ่งๆ นี้มันกระทบการพากย์ของผมหนักมาก ถึงมากที่สุด มันทำให้ไม่มีสมาธิ เหมือนผม ต้องหักอารมณ์เศร้า แล้วผมต้องมาทำให้มันดีที่สุดใน เวลานั้น ในชั่วโมงนั้น เพื่อที่ส่งความสนุกให้กับคนดูมากที่สุด และ เก็บงำความทุกข์ไว้เพียงลำพังนั่นเอง

"ถามว่าเป็นซึมเศร้าไหม? ก็เกือบเป็นนะจากผล ทดสอบ"

ต่อมาในปลายปี 2018 ผมได้ก้าวข้ามในสิ่งที่เศร้า ปลดเปลื้องสิ่งที่ทำให้โง่เขลา แน่นอนมันตามหลอกหลอนผมในทุกๆ วินาที ที่ผมว่าง หรือแม้กระทั่ง ใครพูดเรื่องนี้ขึ้นมาต่อหน้าเรา เราก็จะรู้สึกแย่ ภาพเก่าๆ มันหวนมาทำร้ายเราตลอด

พวกคุณจะสังเกตุได้ว่าทำไม ผมพากย์ไม่ไปไหน ทำไมผมแย่ลง ทำไมผมดูไม่ดุดันแบบแต่ก่อน นั่นคือสาเหตุข้างต้น เรื่องโดนโกงเงินทั้งนั้นครับ

หลายคนอาจจะพูด "เงินไม่ตายหาใหม่ได้"
แต่แล้วต้องคิดกลับกันว่า "นั่นมันคือเงินเก็บทั้งชีวิตของผมนะ"

....

เริ่มต้นในปี 2019

ผมได้พยายามทำทุกวิถีทางให้ลืมๆ มันไป และ พยายามแก้ไขในหลายๆ สิ่ง ผมใช้เงินส่วนตัวทั้งหมดที่มีอยู่ ไปเที่ยวญี่ปุ่น เพื่อที่จะลบล้างมันซะ ในบางส่วน ออกไปใช้ชีวิตบ้าง

เพราะที่ผ่านๆ มาที่ผมไป มีพี่ๆ เสือร้องไห้ เลี้ยงทั้่งนั้น นั่นคือ พวกพี่ๆ ที่เป็นไอดอล ของผม (รวมถึงผู้ใหญ่ท่านอื่นๆ ด้วย) แน่นอน ปัจจุบันก็มี Hashtag คอยช่วยเหลือผมอยู่เสมอมา

ฟังดูอาจจะย้อนแย้งเนอะ?

"เงินไม่มียังจะไปเที่ยวอีกเหรอวะ?"

แต่ขอเถอะ ซักครั้ง ให้มันพังกันไป ให้ความเครียดมัน มลายหายไป แล้วเริ่มใหม่แบบกล้าแกร่งในปีนี้

ซึ่งผมกลับมาดีขึ้นนะ แต่ก็ยังพากย์แย่เหมือนเดิม ผมได้กลับมาดูตัวเองพากย์ในทุกๆ วัน ทุกๆ ครั้งที่ว่าง มันแย่ มันแย่ถึงที่สุด

ความสนุกเราหายไป แต่หลังจากนี้เราจะแก้ไข ฝากทุกคนติดตามด้วยนะครับ ใน TI9 ผมจะทำให้เต็มที่ครับ

....

กลับมาเรื่องทำไม ถึงย้าย Platform จาก Twitch มา Facebook

ข้อแรก - ผมต้องการก้าวไปสู่ในยุคใหม่ๆ ที่ต้องการอะไรใหม่ๆ จากเดิมที่มีอยู่ ผมรู้สึกว่าครั้งนี้ ก็เหมือน ครั้งที่ลาออกจากงานประจำ ไปค้นหาอะไรใหม่ๆ ในโลกใหม่นั่นเอง

ข้อสอง - เมื่อบางอย่างถึงทางตัน เราต้องย้อนกลับไปเริ่มต้นใหม่ ในที่ใหม่ ... เพราะผมไม่รู้หรอกว่า สิ่งที่ผมอยู่ ผมจะมีอะไรในอนาคตไหม? ทั้งนี้ไม่ได้ Platform ที่จากไม่ดี ผมเห็นน้องๆ หน้าใหม่ หลายคนเติบโตในนั้น เยอะมาก ผมดีใจกับเค้านะ ... ซึ่งการพากย์ของผมมันเก่าแล้ว ผมอยากทำอะไรใหม่ๆ ในที่ใหม่ๆ เหมือนกับน้องๆ กลุ่มนั้นบ้างเหมือนกันหล่ะ

ข้อสาม - เพื่ออนาคต เพื่อทางบ้าน และ ตัวเอง คำนี้อาจจะเห็นแก่ตัวกับคนที่ประกาศ กับคนดูมาตลอดว่า "ทำเพื่อ Community" แน่นอนผมแคร์ Community มากๆ ถามว่าเห็นแก่ตัวเองไหม ก็ส่วนนึง แต่ถ้าเห็น แก่ตัวเองมากๆ ผมคงไปอยู่อีกที่นึงแล้ว ในค่ายทะเล ต้องบอกอย่างนึงว่า ... ถ้าผมทำงานบางที่ แค่ 6 เดือน แล้วได้เวลาในอนาคต มาประมาณ 4 ปีที่ทำอยู่ทุกวันนี้เลยทีเดียวครับ

ข้อสี่ - ผมปวดใจทุกครั้งที่ต้องทิ้งคน Subs มาร่วมเกือบ 3 ปี หรือจะ 2 ปี หรือ จะ 1 ปี แม้กระทั้ง 1 เดือนแรกก็ตาม แต่ผมขอฝากไว้ตรงนี้ ผมจะพยายามตอบแทนที่คุณ support ผมมาตลอด ผมจะดึงเข้ากลุ่ม Discord (ซึ่งจะ Update ในเร็วๆ นี้) และ พูดคุย จัดมิตติ้ง ในทุกๆ 3 เดือน มาพบปะกันบ่อยๆ ให้เรารักกันมากขึ้น เพราะที่ผ่านมาผมทำได้แค่เพียงพูดขอบคุณ คุณเท่านั้น ย้ำอีกครั้ง ผมไม่ทิ้งคุณ ผมสัญญา

ข้อห้า - ผมจะไม่พูดถึงเรื่อง ม่วงดียังไง ฟ้าดียังไง แต่ผมจะพูดแค่ว่า ผมเคารพ ทุกคำติชม และ ขอโอกาสอีกซักครั้งในการทำงานในที่ใหม่ และ หวังว่าคนดูจะเข้าใจผม หรือถ้าไม่เข้าใจ ผมพร้อมคุย และ กราบขอโทษในสิ่งที่ผมให้ไม่ได้จริงๆ ผมเสียใจจริงๆ ผมคิดมากทุกครั้งที่มีเรื่องนี้มาในหัว แต่ผมจะรับฟัง และ ขอโทษ ทำมันให้ดี จนกว่าทุกคนจะเข้าใจ ผมสัญญา

จริงๆ มีอีกหลายเรื่องที่ผมอยากพิมพ์เพิ่มเติม แต่ขอเป็นประเด็นๆ สำคัญแค่เพียงเท่านี้ก็พอ

....

ทุกวันนี้ความสุขผมคืออะไร ผมได้ผ่านพ้นช่วงเวลาอันเลวร้ายมาแล้ว มาเริ่มต้นใหม่ ทำอะไรใหม่ๆ และ ขอโอกาสคนดูทุกคนอีกซักครั้ง ให้ผมได้ พิสูจน์ ว่าผมเป็นคนเดิม และ คนที่ดีกว่าเดิม

อะไรที่เละเทะ หรือทำไม่ดีกับใคร ผมก็ขอโทษมา ณ ที่นี้ด้วยนะครับ

อย่างที่บอก เพื่อนผมสมัยประถม ล้อผมว่า "ไอ้บ้าเกม" มาตั้งแต่ตอนนั้น แต่ผมก็ไม่เคยจะหยุดรักมันเลย เอาจริงๆ นะ และวันนี้ผมทำให้ใครต่อใคร หลายคนเค้าเห็นจริงๆ ว่า

"ไอ้บ้าเกม คนนี้ ได้ทำตามความฝันของเค้าได้สำเร็จแล้วนะ!!"
"แล้วพวกนายทำบ้าอะไรอยู่หล่ะ ตอนที่ล้อฉันอยู่?"

เอาความโกรธเป็นแรงผลักดัน มากกว่าที่จะแสดงออก นี่หล่ะ คือ ทางของผม

...

สุดท้ายนี้

อาจจะตลกร้ายสำหรับการ ย้ายค่าย เบอร์เดิม
แต่ผมก็รักคนดู รัก DotA2 สุดหัวใจเหมือนเดิมครับ

รักทุกคน และ ขอทำมันให้ดีที่สุด ในวันใหม่ วันต่อๆ ไป
เพราะ "ฉันจะพากย์ต่อไป จนฉันหมดแรง"

ยินดีต้อนรับเข้าสู่ดินแดนใหม่ Facebook Gaming
ขอบพระคุณ Youtube และ Twitch บ้านหลังเก่า
ขอบพระคุณคนดูทุกคน และ ผู้ใหญ่ในวงการทุกคน
ที่ช่วยเหลือผมให้เป็นผมทุกวันนี้

ยินดีต้อนรับเข้าสู่บ้านหลังใหม่ของผมครับ

>> Cyberclasher Caster <<

แล้วมามันส์กันให้สุดขั้วใน TI9 ครับ

รักและขอบคุณ
แบงก์ - ไซเบอร์แคลซเชอร์
กิติภัทร กาญจนาพิพัชร์
Let's meet again... Every time I write it, I cry...
If a typo is right, sorry. Type to cry. T _ T
Thank you.

....

Years ago 2011-2015...

When I look at a match or even a brother who knows how to play Dota, even kids who play in the game shop... I cry every time and I feel like it.

I can only tell myself that I am from what I like. How can we go back?

Will we dare to leave a full time job? Can we do it? Can it raise someone at home? So what will it get back? From doing this, we can make people happy. But if we are suffering, who should we turn to?

This question has been around in my head for many years until 2016, I decided to break my leg to step into a new place where we love and make it the best I can.

In 2016, I quit my job and came back to dub Dota2 in full time. I have a lot of dub. It makes someone to watch at a certain level and never stop. There may be sick. I can complain but I never stop.

Why? Because I like Dota, but it doesn't mean I hate other games. I love gaming. There is a lot to find in our role.

....

In 2017, the leap era, I joined Platform Twitch that is considered starting the Streamer at support, a full-time Entertainment commentator like me.

It makes me happy to live and feed my family. Even though Donations or subs have a lot of inversions with the views, I always say that I always say that

"Just come to see me, it's my support"

In 2017 I have had a great opportunity in many jobs such as Manila Masters and the highest dream that came fast. That's how to dub the sidelines in the internationals.

I didn't think I would go as myself. I went as a Thai person who was at that point. It was so fun. It was the best experience and the happiest once in my life.

Even if there are some mistakes, I can't do some bad things because my body, but I keep doing it. I just say to myself that I will be more focused and apologize to the audience regularly. We can't do. Come out what we want or others want.

" But I have to say that I smile more than crying this year

....

In 2018, it was my dark age. It was like a clear brightness in 2017 and then it was out in half a year after 2018

If anyone follows, of course I have a few problems at home. There will be a word " We want to spend money? But we have to make money by ourselves without borrowing someone else "

In 2018, it was a very good era in the first half of the year. Everything was good. I tend to have money to buy a house that would expand the dub or small studio.

But then it fell apart because... 1. got cheated by GESC 2. got cheated by Bitcoin which is still going on and will handle it to the max.

It's a lot of Fail. A brother once said this is a result of people who don't know how to spend money and I want too much for other people "

This word has been around in my head for months.

Of course this hits my dub. It makes me not concentrate like I have to be sad. I have to make my best at that hour to send the most fun to the audience and keep it. Suffering alone

" Ask me if it's depression? Almost from the test results "

Later in the end of 2018, I have come across the sad things that make me foolish. It haunts me every second I'm free or even if anyone says this in front of us, we will feel bad. Old photos. Come to hurt us all the time

You guys will notice why I don't go anywhere. Why I'm getting worse. Why I don't look wild like before. That's why I got cheated. All money.

Many people may say "Money doesn't die, find a new one"
But then I have to think, " That's my whole life money

....

Started in 2019

I have tried to do everything to forget it and try to fix many things. I spent all my personal money to go to Japan to remove it in some of them.

Because in the past, there are tiger brothers and sisters who cry. That's my idols (including other adults). Now there is always hashtag to help me.

Sounds controversial, right?

" I don't have money. Are you going to travel?"

But please, let it be broken. Let the stress go away and start over strong this year.

Which I come back better, but still bad dub. I come back to see myself every day. Every day. It's bad. It's the worst.

Our fun is gone. But after this, we will fix it. Please follow. In TI9 I will do my best.

....

Why did you move platform from Twitch to Facebook?

First - I want to move on to a new era where I want something new. I feel like this time I quit my full time to find something new in the new world.

Second - When something comes to a dead end, we have to start again... because I don't know what I am, I will have anything in the future? I didn't get a bad platform. I saw many new sisters growing up in there. I'm happy for them... My dub is old. I want to do something new places like that group too.

Number three - for the future, for my family and myself, it may be selfish to those who have announced that "do it for community" of course, I care very much. Ask me if it's a part of myself. But if I see myself, I see myself, I would be very much. I have been in another place in the sea camp. I have to say... If I work somewhere for only 6 months, it's time for about 4 years that I have been doing these days.

Number four - I feel heartache every time I have to leave Subs for almost 3 years or 2 years or 1 years. Even the first 1 months, but I would like to leave it here. I will try to pay back for you. Support me all the time. I will pull into discord group (which will update soon) and talk to meet each other often. Let us love each other more because I can only say thank you. I repeat, I don't leave you. I promise.

Number five - I won't talk about purple, but I will only say that I respect all feedback and give me one more chance to work in a new place and hope that people understand me or if I'm ready to talk. And I apologize for what I can't give. I'm really sorry. I think too much every time I have something in my head. But I will listen and apologize. Do it well until everyone understands. I promise.

In fact, there are many more things I want to type, but I want to be an important point. Just like this.

....

What is my happiness nowadays? I have gone through bad times. Let's start again and give me another chance to watch. Let me prove that I am the same person and better person.

Anything that is messed up or bad to anyone, I'm sorry for here.

As I told my friend in elementary school, I was "crazy" since then, but I never stopped loving it. Seriously, and today I really made many people see that

" This asshole has successfully followed his dream!!"
" So what the hell are you doing while you're kidding me?"

Taking anger as a motivation than to express. This is my way.

...

Finally.

Might be funny for moving the same number of camp
But I love the audience. I love Dota2 with all my heart as always.

Love you all and do your best in the next day.
Because "I will continue to dub until I am exhausted"

Welcome to the new land Facebook Gaming
Thank you Youtube and Twitch. Old house.
Thank you to all the audience and all adults in the industry.
For helping me be me nowadays

Welcome to my new home.

>> @[653384451397698:274:Cyberclasher Caster] <<

Let's have fun to the extreme in TI9

Love and thank you
Bank - cyber clasher
Kitiphat cuddle, Kanchanaburi Pip cuddle charTranslated

Hello my ninja babies,

For this Girl Talk episode, a lot of you requested for a video on 'Beginners Guide to a Starter Makeup Kit" so I hope this video will be helpful. I'm glad you guys are asking for beauty topics too and not just 'relationship-related' topics. Definitely more to life than men right? ^_^

I purchased a new Lighting System recently and I was so excited to test it out. I think I had the lights too close to me because the lamps were totally reflecting off my cheeks lol. Can see the rectangle shapes! Yeah, made my face look mega shiny. Bear with me. I'm trying to work out the composition. They take up like half of my living room already... What to do... aiyah.

In a nutshell, I really recommend to start light and take it easy. When I first started off with makeup, I put EVERYTHING on my face without much knowledge of knowing how to use each product. I look back and I cringe so much at my major makeup mistakes lol. Yep, I went to school with an orange face and badly blended crazy blue eyeshadow. Before you buy anything. Make sure you do a little research and check out what other people think of them (makeupalley is a site a lot of women use).

Gradually build up your kit. You may be happy with a small makeup bag of makeup. You may end up with a vanity table of makeup. You may be very passionate about it. You may just wear it for presentation for your everyday life/work. It's cool. Whatever floats your boat ^_^

Make subtle changes first and just be sure to not let the makeup wear you. Be in control ^_^. Of course, remember to be hygienic with your makeup too.

Ps. My hair is still long. I have to wait until after my big sister's wedding before I can cut it says mummy!


Much love, Bubz xx


_________________


Check out my makeup brush line & T-Shirt range:
http://www.shopbubbi.com

For updates on my life, doggies, beauty, fashion and boyfriend, check out:
http://www.bubzbeauty.com

Follow me on Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/bubzbeauty

LIKE me on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/itsbubz

Hello Youtube Family,


Today’s Vlog:
How I Would Fight,
Bubz Family ROCKS,
We MADE IT!
SO GOOD!
Welcome Back, Daddy!


After 12 days of solitude time with Isaac, Tim is back from Hong Kong again and we could not be any happier. We've been enjoying lots of quality time at home since it's been very cold in Belfast lately. Just over 6 weeks until Christmas though. WOOOOOOHOOO!

Before the 'Building Schools' campaign launched, I had been slightly worried about hitting such a big target. In the end, I had to remind myself that we should focus on doing the best could. Either way, lives are going to be changed. I stopped worrying and just decided to believe and be grateful. Now, we are already 60% into building the 2nd school already. Absolutely exceeding my expectations in such a short amount of time into the campaign. So I want to take this moment to thank you all for your selfless and kind hearts. I know these couple days has been disheartening. In this time, we have even more reason to stay united and walk in love. Let's all have faith and stay optimistic =)




If you don't know already, it's also that time again where I'm on another big mission to hopefully make the world a brighter place. I hope you guys can join me in the hopes of building three more schools for the children of Ghana. It makes all the difference to a child’s life to be able to read and write. It would mean the WORLD to me if you guys can help support the cause. I believe we can come together and do something incredible once again. You can truly make a huge difference to these children's lives by providing a safe environment for them to be educated each day. You can help either by:

Purchasing a T-Shirt: Designed by yours truly. All the profits go straight to fund building schools for children of Ghana. It is a limited edition design and the campaign will only go on for another 4 days.

Purchasing the Be By Bubzbeauty Palette: BH Cosmetics are donating $2 of every palette to Pencils Of Promise

Donating: All donations big or small will be greatly appreciated!

Click here to help: http://bit.ly/bubzschools





Love, the Bubz family xo

Subscribe to my Vlog channel for daily doses of HAPPINESS!
http://bit.ly/BubzVlogz

Subscribe to my Beauty Channel here:
http://bit.ly/BubzBeauty

Connect with me:
MY WEBSITE: http://www.bubzbeauty.com
TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/bubzbeauty
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BUY MY EYESHADOW PALETTE HERE: http://bit.ly/BUBZpalette

Hello Youtube Family,

Today's Vlog:
Just Us Once Again,
At Wits End,
Both Feeling Poorly,
Cute Granny Bubz,
SHARE THE LOVE!


Here is just another vlog me of being a drama queen and most likely being dramatic once again. Tim left for Hong Kong 12 days ago and I had kind of been dreading it along due to the fact quite a few important deadlines are in the same week. Somehow, Isaac and I ended up getting a viral infection together and it threw me out of whack. Long story short, we got over it. Deadlines too. Daddy got back today and we are all very happy. He actually changed his flight to come back early but once he did that, Isaac started to go back to normal. AHHH WELL! I'm not complaining about having my husband back early. As a family, we are still sick but very happy =DDDD

Sorry for having to watch me cry once again. I told you! I cry easily ='D When I was editing this, I was rolling my eyes but in the moment, I was mega emotional. I'm too afraid to listen to the audio messages I left Tim too....


Love, the Bubz family xo





If you don't know already, it's also that time again where I'm on another big mission to hopefully make the world a brighter place. I hope you guys can join me in the hopes of building three more schools for the children of Ghana. It makes all the difference to a child’s life to be able to read and write. It would mean the WORLD to me if you guys can help support the cause. I believe we can come together and do something incredible once again. You can truly make a huge difference to these children's lives by providing a safe environment for them to be educated each day. You can help either by:

Purchasing a T-Shirt: Designed by yours truly. All the profits go straight to fund building schools for children of Ghana. It is a limited edition design and the campaign will only go on for another 12 days.

Purchasing the Be By Bubzbeauty Palette: BH Cosmetics are donating $2 of every palette to Pencils Of Promise

Donating: All donations big or small will be greatly appreciated!

Click here to help: http://bit.ly/bubzschools


UPDATE:
This is the power of the Bubz family. Including donations, I think we just have about enough to fund ONE fully operational school for the children of Ghana!! *fish pump* GREAT JOB, EVERYONE! Thank you so much for your ongoing support! You guys are seriously AMAZING. I could not be more proud. Bubz family is the BEST!!!! Please keep it going!!!!! http://bit.ly/bubzschools





Subscribe to my Vlog channel for daily doses of HAPPINESS!
http://bit.ly/BubzVlogz

Subscribe to my Beauty Channel here:
http://bit.ly/BubzBeauty

Connect with me:
MY WEBSITE: http://www.bubzbeauty.com
TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/bubzbeauty
INSTAGRAM: http://www.instagram.com/itsbubz
TIM'S INSTAGRAM: http://www.instagram.com/bubzhubz
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/itsbubz
ADD ME ON SNAPCHAT: “THEREALBUBZ”
BUY MY EYESHADOW PALETTE HERE: http://bit.ly/BUBZpalette